Be U: Permission

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Permission

We are the only ones (as adults) that can give or take away permission to ourselves. As children, many of us cannot wait to grow up to be adults then, presto, we are adults and some of us want to go back to being children! Yikes!

I can give myself permission to do ANYTHING at all.   I am also the one that denies myself permission to do many things. I stop myself. Only me.

I wonder why one would choose to not enjoy things that are right in front of them or even within reach or even that may take some doing to achieve.

Why would one not go for the gusto. Why wouldn't I.....

I want to go for the gusto of life. The smiles, the laughter, the crazy, the helpful. I want to feel alive more and not just be alive less.

For me, connection to people is what does this. For me, connection to others is such a joyous thing. Why would I deny myself something that is so joyous. Why does it feel full of fear, at times, even....

I look forward to walking through this fear and being out and about; with and within; following joy instead of just responsibility.

Sure, we all have our things to do; get done, achieve. I'd like us all to have a list of things to do that we just enjoy; love; that make us laugh; that gives us contentment of the ultimate kind -- knowing what we love and doing it.

I want us to feel satiated in our lives and not just living them. Movement does this for me. So, why do I not move more.....

Move more with my whole self..... this is my goal going forward.   Not today (ha) but going forward. Does dis-ease stop me... Most likely. Can I get through it - I think so.   Do I want to - Heck yes.   Will I - .... I see myself whole and moving.   I hope this is a great first step.

I have been told awareness comes first.

May you allow awareness in. Perhaps, even in a dark area where you may be fearful of going. I believe -- once walked through -- letting go is a beautiful thing.

The Beatles knew things way ahead -- "Let It Be" -- wherever you are; whatever you feel -- "Let It Be".

Let's all stop the fight and process through. Have you been complaining, talking or worried about the same thing for more than a year or longer that sits uncomfortably within.... Mmmmm   Go here -- Dare to GO HERE..... What is your truth about same... YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF AND THE WAY YOU THINK.... what's one thing you can change today or even become aware of to change.......

May you take it on as easily as possible because you know you are worth it.

Who would you be/how would you feel if this 'thought' was not a part of your life? Give yourself permission to change it in whatever capacity you can just now. It will be a step in the right direction.

Sermon Sunday over -- (sorry) Mmmmmmm

Wishing you great joy in creating new thoughts that pick you up rather than the old ones wearing you down.

You have this!

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!