Be U: Do or I Do I Not.....go here

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Do or I Do I Not.....go here

Approximately one week ago, I had a 'click' in my spine. It reminded of the same clicks that occurred when I was on the beach in my teens and I felt something in my body shift. I noticed it and disregarded it then. I later came to believe that this click had something to do with scleroderma picking on me.

Is this new click a click that changes my health for the better. Something in me is saying yes and my thinking brain is telling me I'm nuts and I have no idea and let it be.

My inner knowing is doing a happy dance.

I know that I recently posted that I AM WHOLE... I am whole with all my imperfections. I'm feeling this. I still am present to this. My being believes this...at last.

I went to a 'channeling session' at a yoga studio and the presenter/lecturer was a Psychic Medium and he had one sentence to say to me. (He talked to everyone; all 31 of us.) He said "Your guardian angel wants to say that she has saved you." Mmmmmm lol   yikes   oh my

I said please ask her to keep on saving me!

I am still uncertain as to what I believe or think about much of this kind of 'voodoo'. I do believe that we are powerful, powerful human beings and we can tap into just about anything that we can connect to and believe in. I do believe in miracles. I do believe in the power of the Universe and the power of God and the power of the human race.  I believe we are all one in our deeptest of depth.  I believe in beauty and togetherness and inner innate knowing.

I believe that everything we need is available to us and unless we are open to it; nothing changes. We become aware of nothing if we are not open to being aware.

So, here it is. I'm putting it out there.  I believe that suffering the way I did for 30+ years is over and I'm here to offer whoever comes my way to be the total person that they are supposed to be. Hence, "Be U".

As I continue forward, along with all of you moving forward, we will see what we will see. We will be what we will be and we will do what we will do.

May you see, be and do YOU whether you are off your rocker or in it! lol

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!