Be U: Unknown

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, August 26, 2022

Unknown

I, in this moment, have no idea what will be the outcome and/or subject of this post. I have time just now to be in here with the computer and I am open to see what comes of this.

Ha.

My fingers sit on the keyboard waiting to see where they will go and how they will fly.

I take a deep breath and I feel good to allow myself the freedom of emptiness and breath. There is not a lot calling me or begging for my attention. My thoughts are here with my body and there is a peace within myself and about myself because of it.

No pressure. No stress. And, then the thought -- uh oh, what if nothing comes.. I want to be helpful. I want to be encouraging. I want to be able to offer something positive for You to enable yourself to feel uplifted in whatever capacity feels best to You.

I notice the chair underneath me. I notice my feet on the floor. I intentionally relax my shoulders and let my body feel heavy and supported. I imagine myself being rooted into the center of the earth. I imagine the openness of the sky endless and kind.

I am all that there is. I am a part of the Universe. I was placed right here, right now in this way and that is awesome to me. I trust it. I trust myself. I trust the process. It excites me if I let it. It is enough if I allow it to be. I am enough if I believe it. In truth, we are all enough whether we believe it or not.

Our purpose is doing exactly what we are doing just now or we wouldn't be doing it. Is it something you enjoy... Is it something that feels real to being You...

May you be in this moment as You are open to co-creating each future moment from this place that You are just now.

Own your fullness. Own your truth. Fill yourself up with your love. Allow your breath and the most exciting idea that sits loudest within You just now to breathe and grow.

Whatever you can dream, you can create. Believe and get to it. It starts in your brain, heart and from your spirit, and you are doing just this now. Exactly at the right time, in the right moment, the right thing will become so for You.

How cool You are... Bow to yourself. Honor life. Let grow what is yet inside of You to become. You are this powerful.

You are not powerful enough to do it for anyone else. You are powerful enough to do it for You. And in doing so for You, You uplift the possibilities for all.

Again, very very cool and extremely badass.

May you own your cool and your badassery.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!