Be U: Picture

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, August 25, 2022

Picture

I felt the desire to use the below picture today. It is a Royal Poinciani tree. Nicknamed a 'Fire' or 'Flame' tree. I come here speaking through what it connects me to.

Every living thing has seasons. Wildlife. Forests. Oceans. Land. Temperatures. Sun. Moon. Places. Animals. People.

We all have our seasons.

I grew to learn that my favorite season was summer. Everything is in bloom. The temperatures are warm or higher. Color abounds. Life abounds. Joy has mostly been in the season of summer for me for many, many decades. I was a different person in the summer than I was in the winter. The scleroderma also abated much in the summer for me.

Winter was dreary and 'dead'. A good friend once offered for me to think of it as asleep instead of dead. I liked that. Still dreary and cold to me. The snow was pretty. Losing all color around me except for the red berries on the holly tree outside my kitchen window could be depressing to me. I now believe that this can be a great time to connect to the more quiet and regenerating parts of this season.

Spring was when everything started to come to life including me. Daffodils and tulips poked up out of the dirt. The grass turned green. Animals had their babies. The feeling of 'spring is in the air' was oh so true for me.

Fall was when the leaves would turn the most beautiful colors yet die and fall to the ground. Squirrels would gather nuts for the winter season. Deer would come out of the forest more and more. I often thought of it as a time of 'closing' my backyard.

It feels to me that, just now, many seasons are upon us. Blooming and creating anew. Freezing and letting go.

I feel that I am growing into what is next and awesome for me to grow into. I know I am letting go of things that hurt me to hold onto. Great shifts and changes are happening.

I am blooming, shedding, asleep and awakening.

What a crazy and interesting time.

What I do know best is that my truth is what is shouting to live out loud from my place of loving. Love feels so much better than any other possibility for me.

I heard myself saying this morning that I claim myself to be sacred.

My life is sacred. My knowledge is sacred. My love is sacred. My being is sacred. My body is sacred. I claim my sacredness.

You are sacred. Your truth is sacred. Your life is sacred. Your heart and knowledge are sacred.

May you let your love come up and walk with You in your sacredness.

Whatever you are feeling is true for You. It and You matter. The process of your life is sacred.

May you own your sacredness and let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Shine inward. Shine outward. You are meant to shine through the life that is You(rs).

Sacred - Blessed and Cherished; Pure.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!