Be U: My Goal

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, March 15, 2020

My Goal

My goal, when starting this blog, was the same as it is today.

To speak my truth openly, lovingly and without fear to, possibly, encourage you to realize whatever, if anything, comes up for you during the reading of it. I am hoping and trusting that someone will become and grow into more of who You are and want to be.

If I can touch you in a way that you do better for you, I have accomplished my goal.

As it turns out, I have gotten so much out of this blogging than I ever would’ve thought.

Im learning more about me. Sometimes I write the same subject matter back to back and this shows me what I need to or what I am actually working on within my own being.

Sometimes when I read it back, I learn something or I find myself triggered or even feeling like someone or something, bigger than I, has my back.

I mostly write without an agenda and the words come through me from an outside, or is it deeply within, source.

I write a word and sometimes have to look up the meaning and it has been 99% accurate for the sentence and the gist of the post.

It helps me to feel connected. It helps me to feel productive. It helps me support and live my ‘calling’; my reason for being.

For many years, the only place to find my words were here. Then I had a website created and I post the same blog there. I find I talk less of my individual experiences in as much depth and it somewhat comes through a part of me that knows professionalism over personal. It seems the line/boundary of this is getting more blurred as we grow, become and connect in today’s world.

We are all a work in progress. We all have a reason for being. We all matter. We all are doing the best we can. We all are living this journey of life from our unique perspectives, inner wisdom, outer experiences and unique beingness.

We all want to be seen, heard, acknowledged and loved.

'Do' You. Whatever that means to You. Do You from the most authentic and nonjudgmental cells of your body.

Do you.

May you be aware of You, see You, acknowledge You, and love You.

May you open up to your work progressing; your reason for being.

May you let your inner wisdom connect with your outer experiences.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for being open to being the best version of you walking in your awareness of all that is you; for you; by you, through you and known to You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!