Be U: Yesterday

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Yesterday

I read something today that reminded the reader to not let yesterday take up too much of today. How true can this be from time to time...

Some of us hold on to things that happened yesterday, last week, last month, and even when we were little.

Why do we let it here with us today, thinking and feeling about that instead of being open to the new things and adventures that await our consciousness now...

This is what I plan on focusing on tomorrow. If I hear or feel a past thought or emotion come up into my now, I will acknowledge it, thank it and set it aside stating that I am more interested in my present happiness than anything else.

I feel my fingers on the keyboard. I feel the chair underneath me supporting me. I feel the ground underneath my feet. I breathe and open my heart and my mind to my soul's inner knowing with the circumstance that I am currently witnessing. I'm looking out of the window from the 21st floor and I see gray-blue-navy clouds still in the sky. I see a blinking blue light on a boat on the water. I see the lights popping on as dark takes over the day. My dog lays nearby. I hear the trickle of the fountain's flow. I feel myself sitting up straight and I breathe and relax my shoulders.

While I am mindful of all of this, no past or other thought creeps in. I am being here now; in this present moment. This is a gift to our human experience and it is my goal to really be aware of this gift for the next 24 hours.

My past has brought me into my now. This moment, if I allow it, will bring me into a new future if I let go of my usual repetitive thinking.

It is said that we think like 90,000 thoughts a day. Out of these 90,000 thoughts, we think about the same 74% of them every day. I am ready for new thoughts.

Thoughts of strength, safety, creating and awesome shared between myself and 'you'.

May you be open to new thoughts of strength, safety, creation and awesomeness shared between you and 'me'.

Let us replace thoughts that keep us stuck or thoughts that are not for our most positively-available self with thoughts that make us feel good. Let's choose thoughts that support our happy. Thoughts that promote our love to grow. Thoughts that provoke creating the best that we have to offer.

If it is not a thought we like, say goodbye to it; unwelcome it. Let us only allow thoughts to possess our mind's ability to tell us how empowering powerful we are.

You are the one behind your thoughts. You do have control of your thoughts.

Choose your own thoughts that rock your own world. Yesterday is just that. Today, we can allow, create and choose anew.

May you get to it - to YOU; the You that You want to be and have it in You for it to be so.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!