Be U: Here Goes I/You

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, May 10, 2019

Here Goes I/You

Wherever you are, there you are.

I find myself in a very strange mood coming to the computer to write what my fingers will type. My belly is full and a bit uncomfortable. I am home alone with the animals and find myself wanting the day to turn into dark.

It is dark early as it is a cloudy, overcast evening. There will be no sunset visible to see. And, yet, I know - we all know, there is a sunset occurring whether we see it or not.

I tune in to wondering how many more things are occurring and happening without our ability to see it. Is this earth supporting us in ways we are unable to see, know and/or understand...

Are there spirits, fairies, elves, etc... Is there a vibration that we cannot see or feel happening... Are we alone or are we not... Do we have just this one life or do we have several... When we die, what happens...

Oh the Unknown... It can be loud. It can feel scary. It can feel exciting. It can be a good thing. It can be just a thing.

What is most important to our evolution... What is most important to our being... What is most important to our soul...

Is there one answer or several answers... Will the unknown answers ever become known...

TRUST. BE HERE NOW. In this breath, I am surviving... I may even be thriving.

If I have shared love today, is this what matters most... If I have loved myself today, have I had a great day...

Oh, the great unknown can be great.

Maybe nothing else matters as much as you sharing you; as you living you; as you being you; as you bringing the truth of what you feel into everything you are.

May you invite yourself to go; to happen; to be. Perhaps, there is no need for any questions if we just allow life to flow through us and to be true to our experience of same. Accept this moment through what we are feeling without judgment; with open heart and mind; with love.

Here goes you/I... Perhaps, this is the most, the best, the greatest way to journey on. As You; As I...

Ponder what comes to you to ponder and feel what comes to you to feel and, perhaps, ask yourself if your thinking/thoughts are lifting you up or breaking you down.

May you choose to think the thoughts that truly lift the you that you want to be up.

Boom.

My thought is what a strange place to find myself and I want to be okay with it. My acceptance is that this is what is true for me in this moment. My love is that I love myself whether what I am experiencing is known or unknown. If it feels strange, then it feels strange. I love me anyway. In this moment. No matter what.

May you love you anyway; in this moment, no matter what.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!