Be U: Where I'm At

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Where I'm At

I am trying medical cannabis. I haven't fallen in love with it as of yet. I am hopeful my being will and I will know peace in the dis-ease of scleroderma.

I know miracles happen every day. I believe from dis-ease going into ease is one of many of them.

There are at least two 'strains' of marijuana offered in Florida. One is for day time intake which could give people pain free moments and, perhaps, energy. There is a nighttime one that helps to sleep and keep the pain away. There is also a hybrid which I believe contains both strains. I have much to learn yet. I know the CBD oil capsules did not work well with my current chemistry. I hear wonderful things about healing and marijuana.

These are surely interesting times we find ourselves in--in so many ways.

I feel like I'm in nowhere land trying everything out and journaling when I feel best and when I do not. I am open to learning (and doing) what is best for me.

May you tread with gentleness and learn what you are interested in.

Guilt is still a 'built-in' thing with me. I heard myself saying that I have different options now. I have the largest amount of options that I have ever had and I am told to take it on as I deem necessary. I have the freedom to alter, switch, subsidize and take or not take as I feel best. What a beautiful gift indeed. To allow my inner knowingness to lead me in the now and going forward. What a great opportunity to learn to trust my most basic of instincts. The great feeling of being in homeostasis (balance; working in harmony). Allow instinct. Let go of things that we have learned that hold us back.

I am the only one experiencing life as I experience life.

You are the only one to experience life as you experience life.

May you be gentle, kind, smart and trusting of what you feel, know, believe, and live. You can change any of these at any time. You can choose which ones to experience and which ones to let go of.

May you give yourself the freedom to reach your goal(s) in the most pleasant of ways for you.

May we let life be easy and may we trust our self that we know what makes us whole, complete, and fulfilled. May you know that it is your birthright to be whole, complete and fulfilled.

Get YOU on(ward).

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!