Be U: Wow

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, April 18, 2016

Wow

Hello to You. I hope today is treating you well and you are allowing it to.

My hope is that you stay out of your own way and let your brilliance shine.

I have not been here for a long time as I am finding myself to Not come into the office as frequently and easily when my husband is home. I see myself giving him free reign over it more than myself. Interesting; and does not feel like it is what I want to do, act, or be like.

He has been traveling less these days and is home more often. It is like we are actually living together... Yikes!

We have had many a night when either his work or our living arrangements have found us in two separate locations. This is no longer how we choose to live.

And, it is an adaption. Before, when he would come home from travel, it would take me a day or two to not feel like he was intruding on my turf. Now, we have created a turf that we both come home to and to each other. This makes me very happy and it is what I want. It is also me adapting to not being alone as frequently. So my 'me time' is not as available as it was. I like this and I still cherish my me time.

What is a woman to do....

So, I keep my heart and mind open and we live together in the same place with no other 'home' to travel or 'escape' to.

Most of my life I have had two or more places that I could call home at the same time. I have one home now and while it feels right, settling and easier on many levels, it is still an adjustment. It is a hoot at times. It is a challenge at times. It is perfect at times. It is 'what do I do with this' at times. A transition period. And I walk on.

Wherever you find yourself today, most likely you have some transitioning going on in your life. May you walk on the best you can knowing that this is you living your life now. Bring your happy to it as often as possible. Yes, you are in charge of your happy. It is in you to be happy any time you choose. May you choose your happy as often as possible.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!