Be U: Hello

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Hello

Hello.   May you know what you are looking for.   Ha.!

Hello by Lionel Richie just may be my all time favorite song.   I think it touched me so because I sang it to my dad (in my mind) who left me and I so wanted him to know, see and love me...

And, Lionel Richie - well he is just cool and rocks his own music 'all night long'.   Ha.

I had no idea I was going here as I just sat down at the computer on my way to call it a day and go back and read before falling asleep.

I found myself curious as to what I would write about.

I am still having some awesome, happy energy each night. The mornings are still a bit 'loud' as my body speaks to me and tries to get in homeostasis and doesn't find an easy way to do so.   There is a loud 'wanting' for a balance within my being. It feels like my body begs for time and immediately initiates a search within as I open my eyes and connect to discomfort, tightness, very loud tinnitus and my own spastic energy 'swimming' all around inside of myself not knowing where to land and/or unable to find a smooth route to travel.

I have been laying long in the morning looking at social media, posting on social media, reading a digital book, hugging my animals as the rest of the house has gotten up and is gone for the day (or a big portion of it) already.

I now call my 'morning time' my 'healing time'. And, I have to say it feels really, really, really joyful to me as I allow myself stay in bed. It feels like I am loving myself, pampering myself and the dogs have grown to 'lie in' as well. Not a peep from them and I feel their great, quiet comfort. The cat joins us on most mornings.   Sometimes, I use the remote control to open the room darkening curtains just a pinch to slowly let daylight in to softly help us awaken.   It truly is a gift that I have been asking myself for and not listening and not allowing it for myself for, truly, a couple of years. I labeled staying in bed in the morning as lazy, loser, not right....

Now that I label it my healing time which feels completely in sync with what it is -- oh la la, it is a precious gift that I give to me. (huge thumbs up)

May you hear or know the special gift that you have been asking yourself for, but perhaps, labeling wrong or ignoring and may you invite it in; let it happen and give it to yourself. May it feel completely in sync with what feels beautiful within and without. May it give you great joy... and not hurt anyone or anything.

This. This is what I'd like to see each and everyone of you give yourself and support others to give to themselves. May we all live in oh la la for, at least, a part of the day... live in the space of loving and pampering yourself.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!