Be U: Holy Moly

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Holy Moly

I have been doing some deep (I mean deep (look out!)) soul searching and connection more than ever to my inner child and where I am stuck as an adult and as me.

Whoa....

I've been to four different practitioners in the last two weeks for an accumulation of 7 hours of intense searching.

Whoo hoo.   Party up in here!.!?.!

They each have their own labels behind their name. They each stayed with me (at my emotional and information seeking 'pieces' of myself) and helped me with my continued, uninterrupted journey.

My journey into myself; into just being me; and my goal of living in peace amongst the chaos.

I believe I am continuously finding, developing and growing in the secret of this - the secret of this for me. There are many ways [I am thinking] to get to peace and the innermost depth of ourselves. This, apparently, is my way.

I threw a small and quiet tantrum on the massage table. I had to excuse myself from a therapy session so I could release anger in a loving way. I spoke of my truth and feelings the best that I could. I connected to Little Me in a way to thank her for her creativeness and her standing up for us at such a young age. I assured her that I am here now and that I can and will speak and share what we feel and know from the inside out. I have her with me for life and I am her protector and guardian.

I felt her face blend with my face and I practiced speaking my (our) easy truth that I have found hard to speak. I spoke from new lips; whole lips.

I felt my throat chakra tighten and constrict. I felt it loosen and let go.   I pushed through the fear of speaking what I want and knowing that - in and from my heart - ...

anything that I can and do conjure up, think about, connect to or feel is mine to own and mine to allow.

I deserve to have my needs met. I deserve to have needs. I stand strong in my needs. I am allowed to not feel pain. I am allowed to be happy when others are not. I am allowed to do, feel, be, act, just as it comes up for me to do so.

I don't need to say this for me as I am blessed to live it to my greatest ability... However, I feel the need here to say as long as it is loving, kind, no harm done to myself or outside of myself... I am allowed.

May you know that you are allowed to have your needs met. May you know that you deserve to have needs. May you stand strong in your needs. May you know that you are allowed to not feel pain. May you know that you are allowed to be happy even when others around you are not. You are allowed to do, feel, be, act whatever comes up for you from the inside out.

As long as it is kind, loving, no harm done to yourself or others... You are allowed.

Get that Allowing Yourself Freedom to Live from a place of Joy and Harmony On...

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!