Be U: Doctor Doctor

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Doctor Doctor

I went to the neuroscience doctor ('brain training') with my 'dark' self today. While sitting in the waiting room, I was wondering what I was doing there and what my goal was other than to feel 'brighter'...

It worked! somewhat...

She came up with, perhaps, some of it has to do with SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. I said I'm In Florida! and, apparently it hits people here as well.

Yes, since my early teen years (9th grade), I can remember being a different person in the summer than I was in the winter. Very different. Bright, upbeat, loving life in the summer and quiet, busybody, working two jobs (hibernating) in the winter; for the most part.

She offered for me to try 5-HGT; an amino acid that helps elevate and stabilize mood by helping the serotonin levels to work more favorably by transmission. I have tried this in the past. I am very willing to try it now.

We talked about some bad experiences I had in the brutal cold and we talked about thanking people that have changed my life forever in ways I never could've anticipated especially people that I love dearly.

Struggling is not fun. I'm sure it is not fun for anyone. There are some of us that are more used to struggle and almost feel like there is no other way of living through life than with struggle. And, there are some of us that want to hide, numb, and/or run from struggle. Some of us whine. Some of us do it in silence. Some of us know balance. Some of us do not. We all struggle. It is a part of our human experience.

May I offer to embrace this struggle that beckons you. Delve into it; feel it, know it, allow it. Let this 'knowing' of it; this experiencing of it, carry you towards the whole truth of who and what you are about.

I'm starting to believe that 'struggle'; hardship, loss, pain, misunderstanding and learning through lack of communication are all ways to bring us closer to our truest of self. Without this human trait, we would not delve deeper into our inner being. We would not grow, evolve or breathe into all that we are possible of. Struggle just may be a human gift. What would life be like if we started to see/feel/know it as such...

May you look at your own struggles in a positive light from time to time and engage into them to evolve into everything that you are. Perhaps, even try on gratitude for them... You matter.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!