Be U: Huge

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Huge

There are huge life affirming, confirming, questioning, portraying, recovering, recreating, truthful, moving on stories being lived just now.

Huge.

Many are in the throes of their butterfly within wanting out. My butterfly sits on my shoulder.

'My' house that I was so certain was mine was sold yesterday. It is stating that it is under contract. I wish the family great happiness there.   I am sad that it is not me and I believe it just wasn't meant to be or it would've been.   I surely did everything in my power to make it so.   I am still letting it go.

I hear many stories from the depth of people and it is as beautiful as it is sad. We are no longer satisfied walking around with only part of ourselves living.   We need all of what is inside of us to thrive, live,and reach the outside of ourselves.

This just may be the greatest altogether challenge our planet has ever experienced and witnessed. We are here now to succeed in this change and these challenges as best we can.

By coming from our ultimate truth that is even hard for ourselves to face, we win. We find wholeness.

We no longer want to feel like 'something is missing'.   We may know now that this 'something' is our innate knowing that resides deep within.   Our innate knowing wants out and it is coming kicking and screaming, gently and lovingly; everything that being human represents.

My daughter leaves for Kentucky today - a 900 mile road trip and she will adventure on for the rest of the summer. My wish for her is to be herself, share herself, love herself and live what is inside of her to live as truthfully, lovingly, gently, and joyfully as possible. I know she is ready. I know she can and will do brilliantly.

When I decided to be a mom, I did not include this part of 'momhood'. I didn't think past her being my daughter and me being responsible for her.   Well, the time has come and I couldn't be more proud and in awe of the young woman that she has grown up to be. She is ready to fly more and more and I know she has everything she needs within to create her best without.  Her truth coming from love will lead her to where she belongs. Woo hoo.

I went out to walk the dogs this morning and there was a small baby bird that fell out of the tree and two young girls with their mom were picking it up and taking it to see what they can do to help it. They weren't sure if they were going to nurture it themselves or take it to a wildlife center. It did have it's feathers already.

All baby birds eventually fly one way or another.  All children eventually fly one way or another; one time or another.   We all need a little bit of help from time to time and if we are lucky, we surround ourselves with people that will help us from time to time and also let us fly as who we are always.

May you fly as the beautiful being you are. May you help/allow other beautiful beings to fly.

Unknown

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!