Be U: Getting My Pretty On

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Getting My Pretty On

I find myself wanting to have my hair done, make sure my make up is complete, get eyes checked - maybe even wear contacts - (with my fingers, yikes!)

I find myself wanting to 'represent' a professional appearance as well as I can. I feel I can 'sell' myself better when I feel complete in what I know and what I look like.

I am torn with just being one's natural self and what it means to me to look pretty. I'm torn between what is my ego and what is my soul.

I know my heart and soul will be my heart and soul. Just what if, me feeling pretty can help my heart and soul to soar.

... I then ask myself well why can't my heart and soul soar without all the 'cosmetics'. Dilemma!   (lol)   If this is the worst thing in my world.... I'm doing pretty good....   lol

I am human. Perhaps, there is a differentiation between being human and being soulful. And, we are here to be both. I am learning how to be my 'human' self again after many years of living by supporting others and giving up things that I love by my own volition. After many years of exploration within, I am ready to be my complete self here on earth and here in my being out there in our world.

Oh this is so not the place I can go easily!

I'm needing to get some sun kissed skin.   I'm wanting to get beautiful hair. I'm wanting to paint my toenails again (although my toes are 'crying' some like my fingers). I want to get back to regular movement - strength training and cardio output. I'd like a regular schedule of massage to include cranial sacral therapy. These and a few other items are on my list to 'getting my sexy back'. oh boy

So, as part of me feels this is inauthentic, another part of me knows that it is very much a part of our human world. When I feel good on the outside, I present myself in a more confident manner. When I feel good with my body, I feel more confident in what I can do. Confidence is sexy.

I'm sure I will be 'tossing this around' a bit more.   I will still ask the question of what is ego and what is soul in regards to how I want to look.

I believe my soul is more giving when I'm more settled and whole in who I am. I have the sit strong in myself part down. I am now working on sharing strong in connecting through appearance, charm and my whole deep truth. I think I still have this charm and wit. I think I can still be attractive with my older self.

Oh what a tangled web of questions I weave. I offered this to my hair stylist and we had a good laugh. She was laughing as she said just be quiet and get your hair done.   lol hoot

So, as I 'paint on' my façade that I want to share as me in the world, I come from love, peace and really wanting you to be all that you can be.

I believe I need to be all that I can be in order to truly help one be all that they can be. Of course, only if help is requested. I know I want help! lol

I honor where you are on your path and "You know you have it if it makes you feel good" down to your soul. Janis Joplin

May you do what makes your soul truly soar in another's presence so that all souls may soar as our human experience creates outside what is inside of you.

Life is about sharing and not only letting but supporting each other to be their truest and bestest of self; through love of all.   If you don't love something or someone, perhaps, we can still choose to send love to it, to them. Amen.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!