Be U: Change

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Change

Many changes are happening and being shown to me in most aspects of my life. I know that this is the time for me to go from 'what was' through what is to 'what will be'. I believe many of us are doing just this if not all of us.

I'm having a hard time comfortably knowing what is 'proper' and effective and what is 'incriminating' and possibly hurtful.

I do believe, 100%, that my truth will always lead me to my whole self and that this truth will bring into my life what is best for me in each moment.

I do have apprehension on some judging me and, perhaps, finding myself uncomfortable in their judgment. I do have excitement reaching out, being open and sharing all that I have discovered in hopes that it will help others to connect to and be their truest of self in every breathing moment; to live their truth in the best manner we can.

So much chaos inside of ourselves and outside of ourselves. Do we allow the chaos... Can we be one with the chaos... Can we go with the flow... Do we fight it even knowing we can't fight destiny or 'what is' in the moment for a different outcome just like we can't fight nature...

If I relax into whatever it is that is in front of me... is my life easier/better? or does fighting sometimes actually change things...

For me, accepting what is; experiencing the way my internal knowing wants to experience it and live my truth through it, in love and trust, is what FEELS best on and in me.

Currently, I have a loved one bebopping through the airport trying to find a new connecting flight because the scheduled one is canceled. They can go trusting it will all work out as it is supposed to or they can freak out, allow tension and lose their peace OR they can create many scenarios within these two. Only they have the ability to live through it their way.

Just like all of us are the only ones that can create how we react to our own reality.
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May you know your best way to live with, through and on. May you allow wonderful adventures.

"Pressure doesn't exist, we create it for ourselves." Derek Hough

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!