Be U: Elephants and Explosions

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Elephants and Explosions

All the 'elephant(s) in the room' have no room left to sit quietly.

What was is changing to what will be and this what is now is pretty explosive from my viewpoint. Luckily, my explosions are quiet as in coming from love and colorful like fireworks. There is tenderness and underneath these explosions, I feel a sense of 'finally we are going here'; facing what I had resisted facing.

Our greatest fears are being realized in a sort of ignited fashion. Turmoil and chaos reigns if we see it as so.

I see it as so.   I also see it as necessary 'movement' to enable the undercurrent of each of our lives to connect and allow the spark of each of our own truth to blend together in the greatest light of all time.

To just be ourselves and encourage and support others to do the same. To face what we have resisted and to share it with the people that can help us do something about it; the people that are involved in these feelings. To come from love and share the bitterness, mistrust, fear and confusion inside of one's self.

This is the elephant in the room exploding into nothingness that no longer has power over any of us.

How free and easy we would feel without these elephants weighing on our shoulders. How wonderful it will be to allow these elephants to roam free as energy that can be picked up and used as positive healing, flowing energy.

My daughter has made it to Kentucky and is settling in very adult-like. Her mouth is still 'talking' to her and she will find her way through it. She is brilliant like that. She always has been, always will be. I hope she never lets elephants stay too long up in her space. I hope none of our children do.   I hope they know, do and breathe better than we did. Yet, perhaps, their ability comes from our loving openness to be our best selves and share our truth (age appropriately) with them and that we are their parents, yet, we are humans and all humans are perfectly imperfect. It's vital to be real in front of them from our most loving self; especially as they are becoming adults themselves.

So, here I am with my husband, building the next chapter of our lives, one that includes an adult child and freedom once again to be a couple. Oh boy! We were so brilliant at it in the past. We lost the ease of it to new and unknown responsibilities.   We are ready to let what doesn't work die and create a beautiful, fun-filled adventure going forward.

Not only do we want to get on the same page again as a couple going forward, but I feel I want to get in the same book as we deal with some of these elephants head on. Huge.

'House' is a big one for us. We built what was, for us, one of the grandest houses we could envision. While we do not what to do that again, we do want to create a place of comfort, peace and feel oh so good....

May you send love to your 'elephant(s)' and may you come from love as you share your truest of thoughts and may you allow the elephant to roam away as you create a wide open space filled with love and connectedness. Be open to all possibilities that are inside of you to live out.

Iyanla VanZant, Facebook

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!