Be U: Open House

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Open House

The 'open house' for the house that has had my attention for the past two months was held today.   Tomorrow is the auction.   No one else was there but myself and my husband the few times we went back to investigate same.

I still like it when I'm inside the house and it still feels like 'my' home. However, my intellect is telling me to tread very slow and carefully.

I still don't know my 'game plan' for the auction.   I know that I will attend. I know that I will be open to walking through and I sure am praying that the best 'thing' will occur that puts me where I'm supposed to be in regards to this situation.

I have asked God to lead the way and take over as I don't know what to do. I have found more information about the previous owner and what 'maintenance work' will be required by the community association that has many rules for each house and each subdivision.

My only unknown now is whether the paperwork will be on the up and up and if everything written and signed be carried through and out as exact. I don't know if the process assures correct and legal sales and I wonder if it will benefit myself, as the buyer, and not all written for the safety and benefit of the seller (as the lawyer knows it is now).

My brain is tired.   My eyes are heavy. I spin in confusion as I read all the contractual paperwork. I read many reviews about deals that have gone astray with other buyers. Yet, there are some buyers that write a positive and happy review. This auction company holds the truth of the house's 'saleability'.

I am very surprised that I find myself here.   This reminds me of the saying "never say never" because before I saw this house, I certainly would have said that I would never, ever go down this road for any reason. I know great discomfort in it and, yet, I'm doing it with strength, hope, intellect and energy.

I have to trust myself, trust the process and believe that I am where I'm supposed to be or I wouldn't be here.

We put the clocks on 'spring forward' time this weekend.   We have turned the time to be one hour ahead than where we were when we went to sleep last night.

I hope that if I 'spring forward' tomorrow, I won't be sorry for 'springing'...

May you let your educated innate knowing spring yourself forward if you truly believe and feel that what you are doing is best for you. Believe totally in yourself.

Our world is changing. We are all shifting from what we have known in the past to learning what works best for us now and for moving forward as our best self.

'Shift' happens and, perhaps, if we stand strong in who we are and share just this, our own shift will be awesome and this awesomeness will reach past ourselves and blend with each others'.

May you allow your awesomeness to blend into our world. It is time for 'awesomeness' as we create anew through awareness, care, love, feeling and sharing the innate truth of who we are.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!