Be U: Hoot

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Hoot

With all these affirmations of who I am and how I've addressed this issue in the past, the present and feeling what the future holds for me, I feel I'm changing dramatically.   I truly believe my body chemistry is changing.

Note: The word that came up where I have the words 'changing dramatically' was 'transcending'. However, I looked transcending up on dictionary.com and it reads "to rise above or go beyond; overpass; exceed - to be above and independent of (the universe, time, etc.).   I don't want to own this word, so I looked up synonyms and this is the first time I ever came across a word that has no synonyms. Quite a hoot... and I named this post 'Hoot' before I knew this information.   Hoot!

The Hanged Man tarot card was a card I picked this weekend while feeling challenged.

It denotes as per the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

"The Hanged Man represents a fall in terms of our ego or self-image. He may also represent the loss of material belongings. Do not despair, however, for such is necessary in order to transform the lower nature into the higher self. Self-esteem can be repaired, and material objects can be replaced. Perhaps our self-esteem was misdirected, perhaps we did not need so much in the first place. Inevitably, we must go down before we can go up, and while we hang in limbo we can contemplate our errors and determine how to transcend them. The alchemical texts state that the alchemist must sacrifice some gold to make the philosopher's stone."

Another hoot... As I'm editing the above, I see the word 'transcend'.   Okay, I'm going to own it...

I am transcending what I know on the surface of myself. I am being forced, challenged and schooled to transcend and look at myself in the bare essence and fixed non-attachment that comes with who I am at birth. We are born naked and we die 'naked'.

This is too 'deep' even for me! Yikes. lol   I'm rolling with it.

May you allow what your innate knowing is wanting to show you. If you are uncomfortable and resisting anything/something, this just may be your innate self talking to you that you have learned to ignore or mostly resisted 'going there'. Perhaps, you can give yourself permission to, at the very least, hear it out and, perhaps, allow it. Ha and Yikes.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!