Be U

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Where I was/Where I am

I lived in a beautiful, large, safe and wonderful paradise. I was able to take time for me to heal, learn, follow my heart and stay true to myself as best I could.

I'm now living in an apartment complex where my dogs can't run free and I walk amongst not just my own trash, but others and not just my own being but others. I am not the most comfortable I've been and I truly believe this is right where I am supposed to be. My dogs get dirtier quicker because we are amongst the 'smells' of other dogs. I hear trucks and see a grocery store loading dock right outside of my front door. I have no say in what color mulch they put down on the gardens. I am grateful mulch is put down.

I walk amongst pipes for water processing. I walk among smells that can come from these pipes.. and other things.

When I was up on the small mountain with a stand alone 'oasis' - it was just me with luxury and the country. Now, its me and the city AND most people would probably NOT even call this a city. Yikes.

I am out of my comfort level.   I am out of my box. I had great comfort. I was in a great 'box'. I am happy to see how other people are living and living well. It's amazing how happy, kind and wonderful many of these people are. I like the ease in which many people live; the ease in which many people think. They are just living their lives the best they know how. It's beautiful for me to see. I feel the individual struggles and, yet, I also feel the connected life force.

There are all walks of life. We create the life we think we are most comfortable in (even when, at times, we do not like it but it is what we know) and even most worthy of. Here, again, our thoughts and where we've been; what we know and who we are affect everything about us. Noone is better than the other. We all have good and we all have not so good. We all want love and we all want to matter.   When we have what we want and feel the best about ourselves, we share this self with the world around us. When we have despair, distrust and feel the worst about ourselves, we share this self with the world around us as well.

So, if we all can come from the best being within and share without -- Who hoo --   WE ALL WIN.

May you come from the best 'being' you are as often as possible.

Dilemmas Begone

I'm battling with myself whether to put the real estate link for my beautiful northern home on my blog.  We built it from our dreams; envisioning from the heart; along with hard work and lots of money and time. With a team of good and knowledgeable people (mostly anyway), we were able to make it happen. I have been fortunate to live in a 'paradise' that was built for my family around my disabilities and desire to give great comfort for visitors; family and friends. Everything was thought out from the doorknobs, sink faucets, down to the refrigerator easy grasp handle to the recycle bins that enabled me to throw recycle through a cabinet door out into the garage from inside the house so I wouldn't have to go out in the cold during the winter. The floors have radiant heat so cold would not penetrate the floor. The master shower has 8 wonderful shower heads. I was as comfortable as I possibly could have been. I felt safe, secure and surrounded by beauty. I was very fortunate.   It no longer looks like the house that was mine as I stated in previous posts because of us allowing the realtors to have their way with it and, yet, the wood and the stone are still beautiful to me.

I want to post it because it is my truth, it would make me happy and I believe it's too beautiful not to. It is public knowledge anyway. I hesitate because it releases personal information like the address and the fixed price.   Oh, what's a woman to do!

I'm stuck in this. Many people have different opinions.

I do believe much of our world is in greater fear these days; including me. So much change is constantly bombarding us.   So much information is constantly available to us. Many dark things are coming out more than ever because of our whole worldly connection to each of us as individuals. However, many beautiful things are also being shared. There are many more beautiful and loving people in our world than the negative and dark.  Yet, some people have been so hurt that they continue to bring darkness with them wherever they go. We all have a piece of this in us -- even if it is just from watching scary movies that affect us negatively. (There are scary movies that affect people without harshness because of their ability to just enjoy the scare in the moment and let it go.) Many humans are living in different levels of 'darkness' that are their lives; not a movie at all.

Some humans, very unfortunately, have had very unfortunate lives. I'm thinking that news and other shows seem to have better ratings sometimes the more dramatic they make it. Is this because knowing someone else has it harder, that this allows us to connect to our strength in ourselves that gets us through our own hardship......?   I don't know. I do hope we connect to our own strength just because we can; not because we see others suffer. We all have strength, power, innate knowing that can get us through anything if we can figure out how to tap into it. I believe we can tap into this anytime best by being true to our inner self through love.

I am starting to choose to not watch shows that make me uncomfortable or show violence and hatred. A good edge-of-the-seat movie has always been a draw; yet, because of the movie "JAWS", my swim in the ocean was never the same again. Ha. I loved the movie because of its dramatics.... I dislike the fear in me that I still carry with me today because of it. Mmmmm

So, while I have been staying away from my computer because of this uncertainty and fight within myself, I promised myself I would share my truth and I also know that I am in complete control of my choices. It doesn't always feel this way, yet, in truth, it is very much more truth than not. There are reactions to my choices and this is life living now and living forward.

May you know you have a choice (and choice in your reactions) to live and share your truth lovingly and always. May you choose and react with the best possibilities available to you. May we all create security for ourselves and others as we choose to live our whole best self with one another. This is one of my greatest wishes and dreams.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Truth

It is harder just now for me to share my truth of what is. My brain gets tired as soon as I think of where I am. To spend time in front of this computer to write about what I know is challenging. I'm thinking that I am not sitting in 'this' long or strong enough to be able to share quickly or easily.

I am uncomfortable with being uncomfortable.

I also know that my body is changing. I haven't had a sore in many months. Not one big open, extremely painful sore on any of my fingers. I sense that my nails are growing on my fingers' ends. They are not 'normal' nails; however, they are nails. My skin feels softer and when I truly speak my hardest truth, I feel my body more. I feel the softness in my face and I see the pink in the color of my skin on my fingers. This is quite miraculous.   What I can do now is watch and believe. So, I am watching and I am believing that anything is possible.

I stubbed my toe a month ago. It turned black immediately. However, the scab just fell off yesterday and there is good, clean, healthy, pink skin underneath. This sore had processed from the outside in instead of the usual inside out that I have been used to with sores. There was no oozing and no pain to speak of. This is really, really cool!

So, as I'm slowing down to be with my truth, engage my truth and own and live my truth (didn't know I still had yet another 'slower' speed!), I share what I can in hope that I can help another to choose themselves and their inner innate knowing above all else. Once empowered, we can be this power that energizes the world to it's greatest, fullest 'light' mankind has ever known.

I am a 'power' enthusiast. I am in the energy business (or so I want to be). My husband is in the energy, green world business.   I am in the energy, BE YOU world.

Let's experience the best, healthiest energy we have ever known together.

To live our truth in love and light, our world will never know this much darkness again.

How interesting it is that the energy that fuels our homes is turning more healthful and the 'energy' that we need to tap into within ourselves is turning more healthful.

What a hoot!

May you allow your energy to fuel the truest of truths from within.

Paradise

My home in Pennsylvania, USA, was my paradise for the last 15 years. The last 10 years were magical and heavenly.  However, the last 4 or so, I started to tire of the upkeep of such a magical oasis. I forgot how to enjoy it and I mostly walked around and only saw what attention it needed; what needed to be repaired and which professional needed to be called to complete the work. AND, I was so blessed and fortunate to have help whenever I needed it.

I knew I didn't want to live in Pennsylvania for the rest of my life from the beginning. I knew I belonged in Florida. So, after much debate, a very hard decision and a very difficult time letting go, we decided to put this home on the market.

On the market it is.

It just so happened that while I was away here in Florida, the house was given over to the realtors who 'staged' it. I was sent pictures last week and I almost had the big one! I did not recognize my own home. It had been painted, reorganized, reestablished and what was once in my bedroom was now in my dining room and what was once my massage room was a different room altogether; and what was once a house that had been through feng shui, my own personal journey and love of decorating, was no longer my vibrant, peaceful, calm, inviting and loving home. I now saw it as cold, sterile and 'dressed' in a way that made no sense to me.

I went off. I was hurt to the deepest of my being. Not because this was done so much but because it was done without me knowing. OUCH OUCH OUCH I was told nothing 'drastic' would occur without my knowledge.   I now have learned that my 'drastic' can be different from others.

So, I've been dealing with this and trying to watch the sales video and it took me at least 12 tries before I was able to get through it without feeling great anger and betrayal. I felt an abandonment issue all over again. I never voiced such harsh, unloving words and great fear and pain as I have in these last few days.

While doing just this... I also knew that I was overreacting, it wasn't done to me but for me and it was done from a place of love and goal setting. It did not FEEL this way. My brain knew that it was not meant maliciously; my heart, soul and cells would not allow this truth to settle in. I chose to need to be angry and hurt and I allowed the feeling of forced abandonment to be plentiful throughout my being. I do know that these people did the best they knew how in the circumstance they were given and with what and how they were feeling. It still sits 'wrong' to me, however.

I have learned that it is not the situation so much as my reaction to the situation that is my truth. I've known this for a while, however, the experience of it is much different than just knowing it. Ha and Yikes

So, as I sit here writing this today, there are still some cells that hurt and mostly, I know that this happened in the only way possible with the circumstances, the pain of others and the way we were approaching the whole issue.

We learned. We learned BIG. It was not a fun learning and I'm not sure why I had to learn it and I am still trying to figure out how to let that go and move forward.

I feel the harshness in the world just now.   I see people crying in cars; people telling me they are crying while exercising; people reporting to me that they are at their lowest of all time. I know this is the hardest winter I ever spent as an adult.

AND, YET, I say that this, very possibly, is a great time to dig deep and ask ourselves to show ourselves who we really are; what we really need and where we really WANT to go from here.   I also see and know people doing this.  (hip hip hooray) I believe everything we need is already inside of us. We only need to choose to tap into it. Be open to hear and really listen to ourselves; to trust that we will be here for ourselves and believe in ease of survival, no matter what or who comes our way.  I'd love us to believe in paradise through love of self and others.

May you connect to the paradise within first and foremost. I believe without this; we cannot be truly and fully kind to others. When we are lost ourselves, who are we giving to others?

Many have gotten quite good at sharing anger, hostility, blame of others.   I'd love to see myself get better at truth, love, and how I can change the way I think to create a better today. I'd love for you to experience same as much as possible. Let's get on this; paradise awaits. Your 'paradise' that is who YOU are today is already yours. Dare you go here?

All we have to be is us; perhaps our answers are built in this.  Just be you.   What if this truly was your answer to everything? How simple and lovely and yet how complex the human brain can make it....   Mmmmm

I walk forward. I hope you walk forward in your own way.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Battle

Perhaps, the biggest battle we ever experience is the battle between what we know and how we feel. Anonymous

Adulthood

"Adulthood is to finish the unfinished business of childhood." Dr. Robin Smith

This states it differently than I have in the past.... maybe children are resilient .. until they reach adulthood. Mmmmm

May you know how to finish any unfinished business you have inside of you and do so with as much ease as possible.

Lewis

"God whispers to us in pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." C. S. Lewis

It is my experience that he his holding His megaphone just now in many situations in my/our world. Yet, He still whispers.

May you hear what you need to hear.. and respond... now.

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!