We all have them. I've been trying bio identical hormones for the last year now. I more, than less, took them because when I was pregnant my symptoms of scleroderma were not present. I'm thinking it may be because of the hormone progesterone.
I mistook this hormone one month a few months back and that's when my thumbs started flaring up. This past month, I noticed they started healing pretty quickly during the high progesterone cycle of this month. Then, I did not have estrogen for two full days because I was out and yesterday I started taking this alone (as instructions state) and Whamo - I was not feeling good.
So, after talking to my doctor - we are going to try to work in more progesterone and see what happens. This could turn out to be pretty interesting. I'm hoping it turns out to be wonderful. I believe it possible.
Without the estrogen, I found myself pretty emotional. Now, taking it again, my head is feeling heavy and I have this sensation of loose energy throughout my body that doesn't know where to go. My stomach, which was feeling smaller this past month, feels like a balloon and my fingers are more swollen and sensitive.
Oh, the constant 'learning' I receive. It's tiring when I think of it as a struggle. It's enlightening when I look at it through hope. I have done both today.
Here's to hormones. Here's to the female (and male) human body. Our bodies are really miracles. How they mostly function on there own without our help amazes me. Right now, we are all breathing and there is nothing we need to do to continue doing so. The breath of life is miraculous. Brilliant. We always have our breath to center us.
May your hormones be balanced and U use your breath to calm and center U. Ha.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
5:45 AM
5:45 AM UGH!
Does anyone like not getting enough sleep. Perhaps, it shows how sleep is.
I know some people tell me they only need 5 hrs or less a night of sleep. If they don't get that; how do they feel.
I know when I don't get enough sleep, I am pretty cranky; not energized; and less tolerant. I'm also this way if I get too much sleep.
Balance; is it all in the balance of what we do.
I hope U are getting enough sleep for U and that U know your 'balance' well.
Does anyone like not getting enough sleep. Perhaps, it shows how sleep is.
I know some people tell me they only need 5 hrs or less a night of sleep. If they don't get that; how do they feel.
I know when I don't get enough sleep, I am pretty cranky; not energized; and less tolerant. I'm also this way if I get too much sleep.
Balance; is it all in the balance of what we do.
I hope U are getting enough sleep for U and that U know your 'balance' well.
Countdown
I am counting down the days to head home to Pennsylvania, United States. Guess it is about 850 miles or so north of here in FL. I know West Palm, Florida is about 1200 miles, so I am 'guesstimating'.
I look forward to my animals. I miss them and I know it couldn't have been smooth sailing for them. Their schedule had to be different some and they were so used to having me around alot. Everyone says they are fine and cute and loving. I've learned, being away and with all these dogs here, that I want to enjoy just sitting with them and petting them and letting them know how much I love them. I played with my dogs daily, but to just allow them to sit on my lap and be near me is what I'm hoping to enjoy a bit more. With the free time hanging at the barn or the show (and nothing else for me to do), I found myself with a dog or two frequently. I want to give that me time to my dogs and cats.
I miss the comfort of my home; my bed; my stuff around me that I enjoy looking at and 'feeling'. The feeling of being around my 'stuff' that excites me or calms me. The sound of the running fountains in the house I miss too.
I have been exercising daily here. I am hoping that I feel so much more me now that I will continue to do so at home. The free time for me that was 'forced' on me here; while my daughter was doing school or riding; and without a home to take care of; I did a minimum of 1.5 hours a day moving and stretching and free weights. It's amazing what that does for one's body, spirt, mind and heart! Amazing.
I'm just 'silly' or 'ridiculous' or even 'stupid' that I thought I was taking time away from my dogs if I gave time for me to exercise. Most of my downstairs has rooms and weight equipment for just this purpose. I hope I use them and know that I'll be a better me if I take the time for me instead of worrying about the dogs and/or doing something for the house or others instead. I've got to live in my home instead of just reside.
I have helpers and workers there (it seems most of the time) and I have a thing that while they are working I must be involved also. Is this true. NO. I want to feel like I can be and do my own thing while they are doing theirs. I can be there for them to answer questions, offer support and even help when I'm not involved in my own 'stuff'. I seem to have gotten in a habit of being there more for them than for myself. I am feeling like they are there for me and my needs; I need to reciprocate. Perhaps I can now know better, at least, that I reciprocate by paying them. Ha.
I ( 'being me') get lost in my house. I don't always let it feel like my home because of this. Interesting. Sad And Interesting. Getting really real here - I never dreamed of having a big home with helpers. I'm not very comfortable with it. I want to be comfortable with it and enjoy it and ... is it a 'worthy' feeling I have.... is it something about not feeling like it's my home with other people in it regularly doing the work and knowing more about where light bulbs and hammers are than I do....is it about 'control'.....is it about privacy. There is something here that needs exploration because I'm not quite the me that exudes happy when I'm home. I'm not being real and I'm not sure why I'm not or if I even know how to be.
There is good and bad in everything. I have a beautiful, big home. It takes alot of work and energy. I'm a bit dizzy. Oh, what instant realization and letting out truth from within can do to me. Do I feel guilt associated with this. Am I burying my pride, joy and hard work and good fortune. Why do I get a big, beautiful home and others live on the streets or in homes with one bathroom and 7 children.
I remember saying to one friend how I felt sorry for the homeless; how I don't like seeing it. She said they want to be there; they could get a job anywhere at all to not be on the street. Is this true or is it her way of dealing (not dealing) with the homeless. Maybe both. I have given them money and food. Am I being foolish or loving. Could the answer to this maybe be both also. Mmmmm (never thought I'd end up on this subject at 2:30 a.m.)
Anyway, it's time for me to 'think' and 'do' differently on some things when I get home. I hope I can find the 'thinking' and the 'doing' easier than I have in the past. Time will tell. Be true to me and my life will be mine. Others will be freer to be themselves. I want and need U to be U; so to speak. Me to be me. Us to be Us.
One step/moment/breath at a time. So, for now, today - I'll wake up at 5:45 and take my daughter to the show so she can ride/warm up one of her horses and then bring her back to hotel for 9 am school and I'll be out of the hotel room either exercising, sitting at the pool, doing errands, meeting and talking with a stranger and then at 3, she'll be at the barn riding horses again. I'll be reading, playing with the dogs or doing errands. Tough life, hey. I certainly can make it that way if I get lost in it. When I stay present, honest and share me in this honestness, my life seems to work out just fine.
It's when I don't own what I'm feeling; this is when things go off or awry.
I look forward to my animals. I miss them and I know it couldn't have been smooth sailing for them. Their schedule had to be different some and they were so used to having me around alot. Everyone says they are fine and cute and loving. I've learned, being away and with all these dogs here, that I want to enjoy just sitting with them and petting them and letting them know how much I love them. I played with my dogs daily, but to just allow them to sit on my lap and be near me is what I'm hoping to enjoy a bit more. With the free time hanging at the barn or the show (and nothing else for me to do), I found myself with a dog or two frequently. I want to give that me time to my dogs and cats.
I miss the comfort of my home; my bed; my stuff around me that I enjoy looking at and 'feeling'. The feeling of being around my 'stuff' that excites me or calms me. The sound of the running fountains in the house I miss too.
I have been exercising daily here. I am hoping that I feel so much more me now that I will continue to do so at home. The free time for me that was 'forced' on me here; while my daughter was doing school or riding; and without a home to take care of; I did a minimum of 1.5 hours a day moving and stretching and free weights. It's amazing what that does for one's body, spirt, mind and heart! Amazing.
I'm just 'silly' or 'ridiculous' or even 'stupid' that I thought I was taking time away from my dogs if I gave time for me to exercise. Most of my downstairs has rooms and weight equipment for just this purpose. I hope I use them and know that I'll be a better me if I take the time for me instead of worrying about the dogs and/or doing something for the house or others instead. I've got to live in my home instead of just reside.
I have helpers and workers there (it seems most of the time) and I have a thing that while they are working I must be involved also. Is this true. NO. I want to feel like I can be and do my own thing while they are doing theirs. I can be there for them to answer questions, offer support and even help when I'm not involved in my own 'stuff'. I seem to have gotten in a habit of being there more for them than for myself. I am feeling like they are there for me and my needs; I need to reciprocate. Perhaps I can now know better, at least, that I reciprocate by paying them. Ha.
I ( 'being me') get lost in my house. I don't always let it feel like my home because of this. Interesting. Sad And Interesting. Getting really real here - I never dreamed of having a big home with helpers. I'm not very comfortable with it. I want to be comfortable with it and enjoy it and ... is it a 'worthy' feeling I have.... is it something about not feeling like it's my home with other people in it regularly doing the work and knowing more about where light bulbs and hammers are than I do....is it about 'control'.....is it about privacy. There is something here that needs exploration because I'm not quite the me that exudes happy when I'm home. I'm not being real and I'm not sure why I'm not or if I even know how to be.
There is good and bad in everything. I have a beautiful, big home. It takes alot of work and energy. I'm a bit dizzy. Oh, what instant realization and letting out truth from within can do to me. Do I feel guilt associated with this. Am I burying my pride, joy and hard work and good fortune. Why do I get a big, beautiful home and others live on the streets or in homes with one bathroom and 7 children.
I remember saying to one friend how I felt sorry for the homeless; how I don't like seeing it. She said they want to be there; they could get a job anywhere at all to not be on the street. Is this true or is it her way of dealing (not dealing) with the homeless. Maybe both. I have given them money and food. Am I being foolish or loving. Could the answer to this maybe be both also. Mmmmm (never thought I'd end up on this subject at 2:30 a.m.)
Anyway, it's time for me to 'think' and 'do' differently on some things when I get home. I hope I can find the 'thinking' and the 'doing' easier than I have in the past. Time will tell. Be true to me and my life will be mine. Others will be freer to be themselves. I want and need U to be U; so to speak. Me to be me. Us to be Us.
One step/moment/breath at a time. So, for now, today - I'll wake up at 5:45 and take my daughter to the show so she can ride/warm up one of her horses and then bring her back to hotel for 9 am school and I'll be out of the hotel room either exercising, sitting at the pool, doing errands, meeting and talking with a stranger and then at 3, she'll be at the barn riding horses again. I'll be reading, playing with the dogs or doing errands. Tough life, hey. I certainly can make it that way if I get lost in it. When I stay present, honest and share me in this honestness, my life seems to work out just fine.
It's when I don't own what I'm feeling; this is when things go off or awry.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Follow the Sun
I always thought of myself as a sun follower; a sun worshiper; a sun chaser. I've always loved the beach; the warm tropical breezes, the blue sky and the openness of it all.
I used to look out at the horizon and think all my 'answers to life' were out there. I have learned that the answers are right inside myself; right here with me.
I'm wondering if it was not always the sun that I felt destined to follow; but the light of the sun as well. The vibrancy, life and warmth it always provides to the universe and to me.
There is much freedom, for me, in allowing what is and working and creating with the truth as I know it with each and every moment I find myself in. To really know the situation from within and create my life from there.
As I'm feeling sort of light and whole, I am still feeling a sort of dread/fear that something will happen that will change this 'state' that I am in. Most likely, this 'state' will change. I want to be okay with knowing this. I want to believe that whatever 'state' comes next; I will survive easily and beautifully.
Part of me thinks this is crap and a bigger part of me knows this to be possible.
No matter how the sunlight changes; it is always sunlight. Can I take this to mean no matter how much I change; I am always me.
May, as U change from time to time; U know that U are always U and will be no matter what AND find peace in this knowing.
Nothing/No One can take U away from U.
No matter
how the sun changes;
it's always the sun.
I used to look out at the horizon and think all my 'answers to life' were out there. I have learned that the answers are right inside myself; right here with me.
I'm wondering if it was not always the sun that I felt destined to follow; but the light of the sun as well. The vibrancy, life and warmth it always provides to the universe and to me.
There is much freedom, for me, in allowing what is and working and creating with the truth as I know it with each and every moment I find myself in. To really know the situation from within and create my life from there.
As I'm feeling sort of light and whole, I am still feeling a sort of dread/fear that something will happen that will change this 'state' that I am in. Most likely, this 'state' will change. I want to be okay with knowing this. I want to believe that whatever 'state' comes next; I will survive easily and beautifully.
Part of me thinks this is crap and a bigger part of me knows this to be possible.
No matter how the sunlight changes; it is always sunlight. Can I take this to mean no matter how much I change; I am always me.
May, as U change from time to time; U know that U are always U and will be no matter what AND find peace in this knowing.
Nothing/No One can take U away from U.
No matter
how the sun changes;
Monday, March 7, 2011
Oh LA LA
Another day is ending. A new dawn will be upon us shortly. The day was good for me and I continue to learn, grow and see life more through my own truth.
I look forward to the dawn and the new light of the new day. I feel excitement and wonder waiting to see what tomorrow brings. I hope for new learning in an easy, loving fashion and more connections that give me contentment and peace.
I am hopeful. I am in awe of this thing called life. It's everywhere. I just have to stop and listen and recognize and open myself to it.
There is true amazement in each day if I allow it and believe/trust/be me.
May U allow all the U there is to open up like a flower and feel light from the universe and let the light inside of yourself open to it and connect.
I have no idea where these words just came from. I am either getting crazier by the moment OR getting connected to the truth of me. Ha.
I know beauty around me and within me and I'm liking it alot.
I look forward to the dawn and the new light of the new day. I feel excitement and wonder waiting to see what tomorrow brings. I hope for new learning in an easy, loving fashion and more connections that give me contentment and peace.
I am hopeful. I am in awe of this thing called life. It's everywhere. I just have to stop and listen and recognize and open myself to it.
There is true amazement in each day if I allow it and believe/trust/be me.
May U allow all the U there is to open up like a flower and feel light from the universe and let the light inside of yourself open to it and connect.
I have no idea where these words just came from. I am either getting crazier by the moment OR getting connected to the truth of me. Ha.
I know beauty around me and within me and I'm liking it alot.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wild 1
I like the title of the post and wanted to write 1 that is more 'fitting' in my eyes to the title.
Wild -
May U live your life with full abandon today and go for whatever 'rocks your world'!
Oh yes, this Wild works nicely for me on a much different level than the last. LOL
However, both are full of truth and growth and this is all good. Ha.
Wild -
May U live your life with full abandon today and go for whatever 'rocks your world'!
Oh yes, this Wild works nicely for me on a much different level than the last. LOL
However, both are full of truth and growth and this is all good. Ha.
End of Weekend
Only two more weekends to go and we are heading back up north. A great weekend we had. Full schedule; fun schedule; daughter did great at the show; I survived 'camping' one more weekend and I am so grateful for being able to do it. I'm out of my element and I'm learning the ropes more each time I'm there. I'm glad we are doing it and I'm glad we are getting close to going home.
These people work at these horse shows work so hard. They are admirable in their dedication.
I'm tired just watching them all!
Another week starts and another week ends and the cycle of life continues bringing with it old, new, surprising and interesting moments.
I'm enjoying be in each moment as much as possible and allowing life to flow through me and around me.
The Beatles really were playing/given lyrics way in tune with the Universe, perhaps. "Let It Be".
I'm living 'Let It Be" me ('U') as seldom as possible and my world is changing. The true me is being shown to the world.
Some people don't know how to take me; and mostly all embrace me. I couldn't be happier to be me.
I believe there are alot, alot of levels in us all. Using the range of emotions/strength/insight/knowledge/truth and love within is living and this is what it's all about for me. Not trying to run from the 'ones' I do not like and trying not to emphasize or prolong what I do like.
Just LET IT ALL BE is truly IT for me today. There is a fulfilled sense of self in this and safety, trust, love of self spreads out into the world and anything truly is possible.
We all have IT in us. What if we all dared to be vulnerable, truthful of what we are from within, and always come a place of love for ourselves and all other living things. What if.
Are you showing the world the real, true and vulnerable U?
Vulnerable (dictionary.com)
capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt
Oh my, I don't quite like the meaning of this by the dictionary! My meaning of vulnerable is showing the side(s) of us that we have taken on as being weak, wrong, unlike anything the world has seen; or was told don't act/feel/think like that [by a person that was/is unable to handle it themselves]. Coming from a place of love and truth is always allowed. To be okay with sharing this part of ourselves that we bury because we don't want to be ridiculed or wrong in another's mind.
The people I want around me are the people that, although they may not understand or feel the same as me; they are open enough to allow me to be me and either question me, speak their mind, lovingly of course and support me nonetheless. I want people around me that will not ridicule me or tell me I'm wrong for feeling the way I truly feel. They can tell me they don't think the same. Just please don't tell me I am not allowed to believe/feel/think the way I do deep down inside.
We have not lived each others' life experiences. Until the day when we can feel/think/experience what each other has learned and developed in a lifetime in the very moment we are with each other; I'd love us all to just LET IT BE what it is.
Accept what is and live, share and be compassionate for each others' lives.
Sorry about being a long 'winded' and going on and on. This is an important one for me.
Hope, if U do think of me as going on and on; U can take what works for you (if anything) and, the rest; well, let it be.
HA.
These people work at these horse shows work so hard. They are admirable in their dedication.
I'm tired just watching them all!
Another week starts and another week ends and the cycle of life continues bringing with it old, new, surprising and interesting moments.
I'm enjoying be in each moment as much as possible and allowing life to flow through me and around me.
The Beatles really were playing/given lyrics way in tune with the Universe, perhaps. "Let It Be".
I'm living 'Let It Be" me ('U') as seldom as possible and my world is changing. The true me is being shown to the world.
Some people don't know how to take me; and mostly all embrace me. I couldn't be happier to be me.
I believe there are alot, alot of levels in us all. Using the range of emotions/strength/insight/knowledge/truth and love within is living and this is what it's all about for me. Not trying to run from the 'ones' I do not like and trying not to emphasize or prolong what I do like.
Just LET IT ALL BE is truly IT for me today. There is a fulfilled sense of self in this and safety, trust, love of self spreads out into the world and anything truly is possible.
We all have IT in us. What if we all dared to be vulnerable, truthful of what we are from within, and always come a place of love for ourselves and all other living things. What if.
Are you showing the world the real, true and vulnerable U?
Vulnerable (dictionary.com)
capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt
Oh my, I don't quite like the meaning of this by the dictionary! My meaning of vulnerable is showing the side(s) of us that we have taken on as being weak, wrong, unlike anything the world has seen; or was told don't act/feel/think like that [by a person that was/is unable to handle it themselves]. Coming from a place of love and truth is always allowed. To be okay with sharing this part of ourselves that we bury because we don't want to be ridiculed or wrong in another's mind.
The people I want around me are the people that, although they may not understand or feel the same as me; they are open enough to allow me to be me and either question me, speak their mind, lovingly of course and support me nonetheless. I want people around me that will not ridicule me or tell me I'm wrong for feeling the way I truly feel. They can tell me they don't think the same. Just please don't tell me I am not allowed to believe/feel/think the way I do deep down inside.
We have not lived each others' life experiences. Until the day when we can feel/think/experience what each other has learned and developed in a lifetime in the very moment we are with each other; I'd love us all to just LET IT BE what it is.
Accept what is and live, share and be compassionate for each others' lives.
Sorry about being a long 'winded' and going on and on. This is an important one for me.
Hope, if U do think of me as going on and on; U can take what works for you (if anything) and, the rest; well, let it be.
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