Be U

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Very Chaotic

My life is very chaotic. I'm working on adrenaline.   I know it. I feel it. I haven't learned a better way just now. My hands are swollen. I continue to accomplish what I believe has to be accomplished so I can live comfortably and fully as possible from my new home in Florida.

I know it's better for me to do what I can, relax; enjoy and work some more. I had a helper that was very determined; get the job done and focus on nothing else. It was great and accomplished a lot; it beat me up some and wasn't entirely my way.

I hope to do better the next time around. I have this belief that I can enjoy just about anything life offers. It's the mindset and trying to only come from my own spirit.   I got caught letting my spirit fly elsewhere while I worked around like a madwoman to bang things out. Boom; Boom; Boom. Yes, it accomplished a lot. Yes, I don't know where I am! hA.

So, it's very possible that Life is not chaotic just now..?   It's the humans that are creating the chaos. ? I talked to one person today describing the meaning of insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.... NOT going to happen.   If I change one thing up in the way I do things, something is certain to change.

I have a new helper coming tomorrow. We will see where I go from here. I AM SO GRATEFUL for the help. I want to enjoy each moment. This is my goal. Get the work done; enjoy it and revel in it (just maybe) even.

May you allow yourself to revel in whatever you are doing today. Try it, you just may like it. Certainly do not know unless we try!

Good luck.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Moving

I'm moving all my 'stuff' into my Florida apartment..... Need I say more?!.....Yikes (I do not want to make time for the computer... I want to unpack the boxes and see what's in there and get the job done. Stop accumulating would be my thought for this moment! I cannot believe all the stuff I saved and packed and have. Much of it useless. Much of it is wonderful. Much of it puts a smile on my face and brings me happy thoughts. Some of it is ruined. Some of it has disappeared. I AM LEARNING A LOT; GROWING A LOT; TRANSFORMATION IS HAPPENING.

I'm out of my box just now again. Scary and exciting and promotes things, feelings, thoughts I did not know I had.

I do miss you all... I will be back. In the meantime......

May you move forward with your dreams as you allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Yikes!

I believe our world is on a tilt, a new and improved level of the human race is being evolved right in front of my eyes.

May you choose to be a part of as many solutions as you feel apt to. I know you can; I believe you want to. Thank you.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Off to Florida, USA

I'm heading down to Florida to set up residence. Every cell in my body is excited; my mind is telling me to be afraid and I'm just looking forward to feeling the air.

My fear comes from leaving my animals. I definitely have abandonment issues still. This is reverse abandonment; this fear of leaving my animals. I have to know that they are left in good hands AND I am not abandoning them. I will be back and we will all go to sunny Florida for the winter months.

I believe and have great hope that this chapter of my life will be just as exciting as the last AND I hope on such a different - BE ALIVE - level.

My awareness is pretty full and alert, so now when I add DOING THINGS and taking, sharing and moving through life, I'm hoping this combination will allow me to be the most ME I can be.

I know I will still feel pain, I will still know sorrow, however, I'm hoping I will be less and less afraid of it.

So, off I go.

May you 'go off' gently and lovingly to be all that you know that you are.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Thinking (oh no)

I'm thinking of where I've been, where I am (feels like middle of mild chaos), and where I'm going. I feel like I know nothing and am wanting to just go forward; play life out; and see where I end up; WHILE HOLDING ON TO 'SELF'!

I decided to pick a tarot card just because.... this is the one I picked:

"Tarot Wisdom: You have eloquence and are at the peak of your verbal or artistic expression. You appreciate the beauty of words and thoughts."

I'll take it! lol

May you trust that what you are feeling deep down; no matter how scary or wrong your mind is telling you it is - may you get your brave on and FEEL IT, SPEAK IT, LIVE IT, BREATHE IT, SHARE IT, SHOUT IT IF YOU WANT TO.

Morning Full Moon in LaQuinta, California, USA

*Tarot Wisdom from the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place. Thank you.

Krystal, My Cat

Krystal did not make it. She had cancer in her lungs and could not be saved. Again, I'm grateful for the wonderful doctor who is willing to help me help my animals heal; and when this is not possible, help them to not suffer. It is not easy. There is nothing easy about it. I do know in my heart, suffering, without any hope is the very least favorite option.

Krystal loved my Durby dog. She would snuggle and lay next to his warmth on many occasions. They are now together again. They were not separated long. I have to believe it was meant to be.

I feel my body going numb a bit; I'm believing that this is my coping mechanism in allowing what pain I can handle and not allowing what pain I cannot handle just yet.

My mind goes unbelievably quiet and I can't or don't want to focus on anything really, but my own breath; my two dogs surrounding me and the love they share with me. I focus on friends and family. A day like today reminds me what's most important and, to me, this is to love one another. To share a depth that is so deep, I can know when my animals have had enough. I can know (or at least believe) that they are as grateful as I to have had the connection we've had.

This connection is what sustains me. This connection is what I look for in all life. It is the greatest connection of all - to me.

May you know what your life line is; your greatest connection and go for it with all the gutso you can muster.

Krystal

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Let it Snow?

Sure feels like snow is on its way. It feels cold and raw; looks white and still in the sky and air.

I have to sadly admit that my body feels tight and stiff. I have NO desire to go out. AND, out I will go. I want to get some things done and tomorrow is my daughter's 18th birthday. It's a big one... for her .. and for I!

18 years went by so fast and I have some wonderful, beautiful portraits and memories engraved in my mind, heart and soul. How lucky I was to have a baby girl be born to me (and my husband) who was so lively, happy, fun and a joy to be around.  She grew into an independent, beautiful, kind young woman. I stand in awe of her on many occassions and I am grateful for her love and all that she has taught me... (well, mostly everything she has taught me - ha)

My cat is not feeling good. She is skinny and not eating. Something is very wrong. I have the vet coming back for her today. I hope she can help my cat; I am uncertain as to which direction this visit will go. Again, I just do not want my animals to suffer more than they have to.   If she has any chance at all, she is only 10, I will do whatever is in my power to make her life the best I can give her.

Animals; the joy is great.   The hardship is also.

May you always feel the quiet joy of life even as hardships go in and out of your life.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Today

Today's a big day for the United States of America. We, the people, are voting on a president. May the universe, God, the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving, all-for-all power that is beauty, light and togetherness help this to be a day that will help not only the USA, but all the world, live better, peaceful, and together.

I am very ignorant when it comes to politics. I do not even understand why there are two sides fighting each other, sometimes massively, to create a world that we can all be ourselves in; while being there for one another.

I pray we all keep open hearts, open minds and allow our own power to be the truest of true and accept all life to be just as powerful and important as the other.

I envision this as our world and am all for it.... all for YOU.

May you BE YOU from your deepest depth of self.

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!