Be U

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Do Opposites Attract?

Today, I have put into words, what I have felt for most of my life from deep within, something that I have never been able to actually know or grasp.

My biggest wish or calling in life is my biggest fear and weakness.   OH JOY!

I want to help make the world a better place. I want to feel connected. I want to share me being me. I want to share you being you. I want to help people get their happy on. I want to help others live their true selves and be okay with others that they may not understand; agree with or be comfortable around.   I believe this is asking alot. I also believe that a world that resembles this will be the best world for all of us.

This is my wish or my greatest 'calling' for being here on earth.

This is my greatest fear as well.

Again, speaking in front of others is something I can never imagine myself being close to comfortable with.  Something in me is completely against it. Yet, I can 'see from a distance' myself doing it.

I don't see how living in such opposition is not insanity. Ha.

How can this be who I am and it feel so paralyzingly frightening.

I have no question for this other than ARE YOU READY TO WALK THROUGH YOUR FEAR?

geology.com

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Deep

OH OH OH

I am getting very deep. I am in the deepest part of who and what I am. I am content within and now my whole outer world is all screwy.

I used to (maybe) not be content within so much, and my outer world seemed fine, controlled and happy.

It's funny to me how for 30 years a huge desire of mine was to live on the outside what I was feeling on the inside. This was a big goal of mine; to freely voice what I think, feel, need, and desire. I did not allow myself to learn this at an early age; quite the opposite, in fact.

I am now doing this better than I ever have. AND, I didn't realize there would be so much to the simplicity and the complexity of my own voice.

Everyone I come in contact with may be affected (or so I think) by this. I know every relationship I am a part of; I am different than I was.

I seem to be at a standstill right now as we (everyone I 'touch' and myself) are doing the dance of what now.

I didn't really think this out. I have to see who will accept this new me and who cannot. I have to see who I am comfortable around and what has to change to allow comfort.

This is a real eye opener for me and there is no going back; nor do I want to. However, knowing how to go forward with ease is a work in progress.

OH, I am 'dancing' now. I want to thank you all for your support. Without it, I wouldn't be growing; I wouldn't be me.

What are the similiarities of your relationships; the differences? What you have helped to create - is it good for you?

Dynamics of Living

I wouldn't be completely honest if I didn't share that when I told my dear friend that I have peace within and she imagined something other than what I am -- She said that I offer so much and she thinks I'm so brave. She said that I could write a book or make a video.
I also stated that "I struggle as I'm examining every aspect, saying, feeling, thought that I'm living; I struggle. Believe you me. But, I'm breathing me and that is all God wants of me. xo"

Mmmm. As I'm reading this post - I am LEARNING how I immediately came up with "she imagined something other than what I am". What if I am this to her.. WOWZA

Do you give yourself permission to hear what people in your life feel in regards to what you mean to them? or do you just write it off like I have just done....

*The words in quotes are my words to her through a text. Her words are my own interpretation.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Create

Did I really create 'all this'? Is this the life I created?

Everything in my life today is here because I allowed it, called for it, asked for it or created it? OUCH.

Sometimes it's just a big ole OUCH.

Too many responsibilities; too many decisions; too much needs to be done; too many options. How do I navigate myself through all of this.

SIMPLIFY is a nice word that I do NOT seem very good at incorporating into my life at this moment.

Today, I feel that if I only had a handful of the situations that were in front of me, I'd be able to deal better. However, when I have two handfuls of these types of situations... OUCH;... is all I can conjure up.

Tomorrow, I hope to do better. Today I sit in disbelief! lol

How's your life looking today? Is there anything in this moment that you can do to create a happier you?

Monday, September 5, 2011

Where I Want to Be

I want to be exercising/dancing/playing more and I want to work with helping others to find their inner peace and stay connected to and share their authentic selves through love.

I want to feel great, energetic and strong and I want to see other people do the same.

I want us all to live our authentic selves. I believe through this, a powerfully positive, happy, fulfilling, peaceful world can and will exist.

This is where I want to be.

BRING IT ON. please. ha.

Where do you want to be?

Authentic (dictionary.com)

not false or copied; genuine; real

entitled to acceptance or belief because of agreement with known facts or experience; reliable; trustworthy

Authentic (Mercedes' take)
everything that is deep within; that resonates; that calls you - sharing this with open mind and open heart

I wish to know the AUTHENTIC YOU.

BE U - no more; no less (when and if you are ready)

Where I'm At

I'm not quite sure, still, where I'm at. I feel peaceful for the most part. I feel like I'm 'just being' and am highly aware of everything that I do, say, feel, think, react to.

I've changed many ways I do things, think, say, feel and react to. I don't squash or bury my immediate thoughts when in situations.

I am very sensitive to other people. I feel the 'air' change if I say something they don't like or that affects them deeply. I think I've always felt this. The difference now is that I do not come from a place that I have to change my thinking/doing because it is not in accordance with the person I am with. I'm a bit worried that they will leave me and not like me because of this AND I'm doing it anyway with the thinking that if they do leave our relationship then our relationship is not supposed to be had anymore. (I'm not quite 'there' with this completely; it is a work in progress). I do come from a place of love and not a place that I want to judge them and tell them what to do. I know I can not change others; I know I can only change the way I react to situations. I do believe it's the best thing for me moving forward as my authentic self.

So, as I step on this Earth with the totality of who I am, I am at peace. I have peace within. Not always but I have it!

I always believed that I could have inner peace no matter how much chaos is around me because I always, every now and then, got glimpses of this. I am getting more of this now.

I told a friend yesterday that I am not where I want to be AND I am where I need to be. She asked me to explain. I said that "I'm doing and saying and offering and allowing what is inside of me....no more.... no less. This, for me, is peace. I like peace alot.

May you allow peace (this piece of you) to be abundant today.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Think

"Don't Always Believe What You Think" Wayne Dwyer

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!