Family Dynamics Oh My

I'd like to elaborate on my own experience with family dynamics.  I believe that when I started a relationship with family members at a very young age; I did not allow the relationship(s) to grow with me and I did not bring my adult self to the table, so to speak, on more occasions that not.

I kept bringing the same young girl to the relationship and I did not allow the relationship to grow, prosper and realign as I grew, prospered and realigned within myself.

I stayed a youngster in the relationship and I taught my other family members that this is who I am bringing to the table. 

I did not know that I was not bringing my adult sick (slang for cool) self and I allowed the relationships(s) (in a large part) to stagnate and remain the same as if I was still the child.

I am now fighting to bring myself, as I am today; with the needs (and gifts) I have today 'to the table'.  I am finding that it is not the easiest integration.

However, it is pertinent. 

Are you bringing the today's version of YOU to your family table?

Get Up and Go

I think my get up and go must have got up and went...

I'd like to get it back and start new adventures and have new experiences and dare to incorporate new ideas.

I'd like my get up and go to excitedly live in me and involve me in new opportunities and use me for the good of our world.

I'm ready to move on to the next chapter of my life.  How do I get it from inside of me to my physical being. 

I guess time will tell as I lovingly push myself forward.

May you be connected to what you need to experience now and allow it to happen.

Uncertain

I hear what I tell myself and I am trying to 'weed out' all of the words, phrases, and sentences that are no longer true; yet stick with me like glue.

I am trying to replace them with different sayings, different meanings - joyful, helpful, loving thoughts.

It's hard to admit that I've been hearing/saying things so hurtful AND that I've never said these phrases to anyone but myself.  I hurt myself.  I am mean to myself.  I am careless to myself.

If I said these things to my friends - I bet I wouldn't have many....

Today, I choose to be my own very best friend.  (Let's see how this works out! Ha)

May you be your very best friend today.

  I'm going to look in the mirror and give myself all types of loving, kindful and supportive praises.  Hope to 'meet' you at the mirror.

It's interesting how I titled this post - "uncertain" and this is what I wrote.  Is there something in me not sure I can do this.  Well, I say I CAN and I WILL. 

Feeling Connected

I am learning that FEELING connected to people is what brings me most happiness.  If I have a disconnect with the most important people in my life, I feel like I'm disconnected from life.

Is this telling me that there is a disconnect to myself or is it really people that I need to BE ME with that makes me feel most alive.

I believe this is the BALANCE word that may just be knocking me on my head again.

I love being alone and I love being with people.  I do not like losing myself when I'm with people.  I like being myself when I am with others.

This might come back to the old saying I used to play with alot.  What did you learn in school today?....SHARING.

Mmmmm.  Sharing you; sharing me.

Is this what living is all about to me.

May you feel balance by sharing deeply with another today.

For the Fun of It

I knew I had a guest that I was picking up and bringing to my home that may take more energy than I currently had.  For the fun of it, I picked three Tarot cards* and, interestingly enough,  below is what they represented.

1.  Strength - 'This is a card of inner strength."  "Her power, as is ours, is love."  "Power comes when we love our selves, and to love our selves totally we must love our animal selves."

2.  Six of Vessels - "The message reminds you that loving means to nurture and give what is needed."  "However, love cannot be forced on someone; true love is to give what is needed to nurture and create strength."

3.  The Star - "The star represents a secure guide to a higher level of consiousness.  It is the Higher Self emerging from the unconscious.  The Star indicates a sense of balance and of wellbeing."  "It represents the nurturing of the Great Mother:  of ourselves, and of others.

After a long overnight visit, I drove my guest 80 miles back to their home and I arrived home alone tired; I thought - 'why not - pick one more card for the fun of it'.  This time the card was

4.  Knight of Vessels - "The message here speaks of the attainment of emotional satifisfaction.  But, when questing into emotions and the unconscious, do not go off foolishly into the depths."  "Open your eyes to what is around you."

I got a laugh.  I processed all this information and played with it and transposed it into this understanding for myself.  It came out something like this:  while I want to nurture and love others, I do not want to lose myself while doing so.  I ended up giving more of myself and losing a healthy balance within myself; hence the message of going foolishly into the depths of another person's needs.  My unconsious habit (of not saving enough reserved energy for myself) entering into my conscious mind is what will get me closer to living a healthier; happier, more fulfilled me.  In turn, this will enable me to be the best nuturer I can be.

Whew.  Perhaps, too much information!

May you turn some of your negative unconsious habits into your awareness so you can then choose what you want to do about them, if anything.  

                                                  Picture by ImPerfec 3


*Tarot Cards by "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

VISIT

I had a person that I've know my whole life stay with me these past 38 hours or so and I am not too happy of a camper.  I am exhausted.  My old self kicked in and tried to give this person everything they expected or wanted.  I messed up.  I did wrong for me.

I am now paying for it.  Exhausted and a bit angry at myself for not doing better.

Habits are hard to break.  AND, I'm going to break the ones that do not work for me any longer.  It's time for me to dissolve the old habits that are hurtful to me in my present life. 

Bad news is - it's up to me.

Good news is - it's up to me.

I have more awareness.  I have learned, again.  I will do better next time.  I can even choose to not have a next time with this person.

I'm too tired to think about what I'll do down the road.  I am going to sit in my failure and feel it and remember it so I will not live it again.

Are you learning from your mistakes or are you allowing yourself to make the same ones again and again?  When is it time to change what hurts you?

Healthy

Is the best way to be healthy to listen to your inner voice.  Rest when it wants you to rest; play when it wants you to play; do work when it wants you to work, etc. etc.

Is the best way to be healthy living in balance.  Balance in food, movement, laughter and seriousness.

Is the best way to stay healthy listening to your own inner knowing; or giving your life/power to other people's ways.

Is the best way to stay healthy draining yourself of every last bit of your own energy or keeping of reserve of it for yourself?

How's your 'healthy' today?