Be U: Pain

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, April 21, 2023

Pain

Pain. What an interesting and (can be) scary thing.

Pain asks us to Pay Attention I Need your awareness and love.

I often want to ignore it. I often wanted to numb it. I am afraid of feeling it. I have learned to honor it.

I have known pain most of my life. On and off. More on than off.

Scleroderma is a dis-ease that has shown me great pain and taught me great love and empathy. Peace was my biggest yearning for a long time.

To pay attention, honor and love through is what creates peace to me. I have finally connected to the peace that comes from being me.

The more I honor and match what is going on within me with what I show on the outside of me - in thorough vulnerability and kindness - the more at peace I am.

Pain lessens. Experiencing love and connection to ‘me being me’ increases. Peace blooms and endures.

There are still moments of un-peace. In the now, as I am - accepting and bringing my authentic self into all that life shows me, I invite peace.

In peace, I can adventure forward. In peace, I can breathe more deeply. With peace, I can most easily share love. As peace, I rise from the depth of myself.

And above life’s woes - or is it below them or maybe even through them - I grow. I am led. I live open to seeing, feeling, knowing and being the ‘silver lining’ of mostly all that feels difficult.

Humans have angst. It comes from wanting life to be different than what it is. The word ‘should’ pops up in my mind. I have learned to not ‘should’ on myself or others. The word should often brings angst.

Honoring what is, as it is, and bringing my true and loving self into and through it is what fulfills my soul’s purpose and helps to keep my heart open.

When we are not in attack and/or defense mode, we are in the flow mode Growth happens more freely. Understanding opens up. Dreams become reality. Universal love heals us. The universe within us and this conglomerate of life we all live in.

May you open to universal openness of your own heart, mind, soul and body.

Let your universal wisdom and awareness, together, create the peace that is You being You.

Feel any pain that shows up for You to pay attention to. Honor it in your best way. Learn from it. Be true to it. What if we could sometimes think of pain as a sensation that alerts us into a deeper understanding of our lives and our living.

It can be so UnFun. It can be a way to acceptance and healing of You honoring You.

May we honor and love. May we grow and become. May we live true and love through.

May You realize the peace that awaits your invitation and allows you the freedom to live through trusting yourself and self love.

Through your own given freedom to live in your truth, peace and love, just maybe, the pain lessens and the depth of your You-ness rises and soars.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!