Be U: Stumbling Blocks; Road blocks; U-Turns and Detours

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Stumbling Blocks; Road blocks; U-Turns and Detours

We have all experienced blocks, wrong turns and a need to take a step back or away and regroup. ReGoal, if you will.

I went to a new doctor who promotes as a holistic, a medical doctor and a medical marijuana practitioner; 3 in 1.

I made one appointment and the experience I experienced was to tell me every dis-ease comes from a leaky gut; poor digestion and/or constipation. This very well may be true. It was my goal to deal with my symptoms and my body/mind/spirit as a whole. It turned out the main goal the doctor wanted for this one appointment was for me to eat mostly complex carbohydrates; no meat, no dairy and very little fat. She also ordered a lot of blood work (which isn't a bad idea).

I have participated with a 4-month fruit and veggie smoothie diet in the past. This doctor says to not blend fruits, to eat them whole. Her reason being that too much sugar gets too fast into the system for a sure sugar high and the big letdown that follows.

I know I can do this for two weeks, which is what she has requested as a start. I'm going into it uncertain that this is a perfect plan for me. Is my attitude and uncertainty if this is for me, along with my own stubbornness of being here before, not going to allow it to work... My attitude and uncertainty comes from my experiences of the past. I am still willing to try it. Two weeks is nothing in the scheme of time. What was, perhaps, is not as important as what is now.

I know less sugar; more movement and opening up to achieving a goal (or five) is a way for me to defunk myself.

And, sometimes, it is so easy to get caught up in just playing in the funky stuff.

May you know and do what is right for you to defunk yourself.

If you find yourself in the funky stuff, please do not beat yourself up. Know that this is a part of being human and great things can come from finding one's self in 'funkytown'.

Steps. It is the steps that we live presently; the steps that we walk through during blocks, wrong turns and regrouping. It is our goals. It is our reactions. It is our responses. It is our thoughts. All these things create our experience. And, experiencing life - however it shows up for us - is what life is all about.

It is one of my goals to experience life as the best of me. To be in joy, in truth, in love, in openness and everything that takes me from funk to defunk.

May you experience life from the best of you through all the funk and through all the defunking.

May you experience the experience(s) from the best place inside of you.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!