These words feel true to me. As I have noticed an unease [within myself] to come and blog, I am realizing it is because I feel like I am speaking the same words and feelings over and over. I certainly know I am tired of talking about scleroderma and the pain and great discomfort it shows me. I am tired of not feeling energized and ready to take on anything. To just live (take on) the day with how I often feel is a great feat and an even greater accomplishment when I make it through. And, I always make it through. And, I believe and hope that you do too and you are aware of same.
I am tired of not having a workable answer to a more thriving me.
I keep hearing myself say that I can still love. I can always choose love. And, after reading this quote, I do believe that my heart is tired. Yet, loving is who I am and what I want to be. It lets me feel and be the grandest of me.
Perhaps, it is time to really stay internal and let the love that I talk about spread and grow throughout my being. Perhaps, it is time to dwell in my own love and not give it away just now. Perhaps, my heart is begging for me to use it on myself. Perhaps, it is time to build a reservoir of love so that I can feel it, live it, be it, know it and then share it.
I know I feel best when I am helping another and deeply connected to our individual experiences.
I do believe that, through our divine connection, we have an unlimited source of love and everything good. I do believe that when I lose my awareness of connection to this divine source (that is within us all) that I can become depleted. I have been depleted before. I am depleted now. I may be depleted again.
And, in between these depletions, I have known magic, miracles, sustenance, awe, enthrallment and love.
It doesn't feel fun to feel depleted. It feels 'less than' to me. But, is it... Is it just a part of the journey. How would we know what fulfillment feels like if we do not know the feeling of depletion...
Healing and Healthy
What if being healed and being healthy isn't about always feeling up, able, at the ready and/or charged up. What if healing and healthy meant to allow whatever comes up for us to be and to allow and entertain it even.
What if not judging, not fighting, not labeling is healing and healthy... What if being love through it all is the most healing and healthiest thing we can do...
Perhaps, health is not about feeling good all the time. Perhaps, it is about not screaming and freaking and losing it; not letting anger lead. What if it was about peace and harmony with what is...
I am willing to try this on/out and see where it takes me and how it makes me feel.
Sleeping, resting, sharing and supporting are healthy to me. Living in our loving truth is healthy. Trusting the process of life is healthy. Being thankful for what we do have in our lives that make it easy and enjoyable is healthy.
May you ask yourself who is the most healthy... the person angry and fighting or the person experiencing peace and love through what is...
Being human gives us all these options. You CAN and DO choose what route between these two scenarios you take.
Perhaps, it can be different in each scenario. Is there such a thing as peaceful anger. I think there is.
May you be open to all that you are. Stand in awareness. Live in awareness.
May you choose the best available option for you. May you always let your heart be present. May you be aware if and how you are using your heart.
In this choosing, perhaps, we invite people and life in or push people and life away and out...
Let what you feel speak to you. May you speak back by choosing the best route to love for yourself. In loving yourself, your ability to love others is strengthened.
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