Be U: Growth

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, January 19, 2018

Growth

Sometimes, when we are growing, evolving, transforming and coming into a new stage of our life, we can feel stuck, lost, alone.

It is in this stage, what we know as who we are is being challenged or changed. Growth often happens in the silence of the unknown.

I find myself feeling lost because what I used to do [and enjoyed doing] is not giving me the enjoyment it once did. I was okay being in the silence of the unknown believing in and trusting the process of life; divine order and guidance. I have become very good at 'just being'. I now want to be 'doing'.

I am now finding myself antsy with this way of being. I find myself wanting change and, yet, not being fully aware and mindfully involved in this knowing by having a definite plan and stepping forward with said plan. I wonder what is happening to me. I wonder which direction life is taking me. I wonder what I will allow myself to do. Will I like it...

I find myself stuck wanting to share and to reach out less and less. It is a feeling that I currently have nothing new to offer up. How do I try to share understanding when I, myself, do not understand...

And, yet, I believe that I am being prepped for the next 'leg' of my life. I am being prepped and prepared to move on forward and triumphantly. I am being asked to let go of the old and let a new way of life in.

It feels unsettling. It feels exciting. It feels new.

Wherever you are; whatever you are doing; whatever you want to become is all being taken into consideration and your innate inner knowing and the divine connection that is within us all is being bred.

It may look like I am doing very little, when in fact, there is so much changing on a cellular level.

I do not know anything for sure other than wanting to be true to what is going on within me, around me and for me.

You may not have all the answers. We probably don't even have all the questions.

May you choose to be true to what is going on within you, around you and for you. Being stillness in the chaos just may be one of the hardest lessons a human can learn. Being true to one's self and each other may be right up there with the difficulty of allowing stillness.

And, this is what the universe just may be asking of some of you just now.

Breathe. Connect to your heart, soul and mind. Let them work as a team for your life. Give yourself the freedom to feel, listen and respond to your innermost self.

May we let love lead us. May we believe in ease. May we allow and accept what is being shown to us just now. May we individually, together create a world that is joyful and desirable to live in. It is right here for us. All we have to do is believe, allow and participate from our most genuine self.

Life goes on.

May you open up to this moment and meet yourself where you are.

It is your choice what to do about it. It is your life that you are living. Own what is yours. Care. Let others own what is theirs. Care.

In this caring and acceptance of truth, we empower the best of ourselves to thrive.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!