Be U: Adventure On

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Adventure On

I am getting ready for an adventure to the west coast of the USA. I live on the east coast. It has been a while since I traveled this many miles and for this time period.

I am not allowing my mind and thoughts to not be chaotic. The chaos within me, that I am creating, is prevalent and loud. It is uncomfortable and I know that within me is the ability to stop it and, yet, I have not done so.

I know once I leave the house I will be good. It is in leaving the house, my animals; it is packing everything that I may need; it is in not forgetting anything that I need; it is the unknown with many things already scheduled that has me a bit freaked.

I say as long as I have my identification and a credit card, I can make it through. And, yet, this time, I am not allowing this to bring me much comfort.

I haven't dressed for so many functions in such a short time period and I'm letting this freak me out. It is traveling with medical marijuana as it is illegal to do so that has me freaked. I haven't decided if I will be bringing it with me or leaving it home. The two states I will be in it is legal. But, nationally, it is not.

I only use it at night as it hasn't become my friend or much help or support yet.

My head spins with all the possibilities. I find myself thinking of the worst case scenarios instead of being excited about the best case scenarios.

I leave here without my computer and this site is not working on my phone or Ipad just now as google has to update it to run with the lastest OIS systems. I am uncertain if google is going to or not. I don't know when I will be able to post again.

I come here to let you know that I will be away from my computer. Although, I haven't been posting much anyway, I still don't want to go without saying goodbye.

We are all on an adventure. Every day is an adventure.

May we tap into the excitement of and contemplate the best outcome of everywhere we find our self and each situation we find our self in.

Adventure on!

May we open to all the great possibilities. May we be open to the love in each moment. May we be open to a calming breath in each moment. May we be open.

I wish you glorious adventures. I wish you the best of You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!