Be U: Grateful. Thankful. Honored.

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Grateful. Thankful. Honored.

In America it will soon be Thanksgiving Day. It is a day where we can take extra time to be aware of all that we have to be grateful for. It is a day of feasting. It is a day of being with those that we love.

I am grateful for my loved ones; my animals; my comfort; ease; support and help; supporting and helping; beautiful nature; the awareness of my breath; clothes to wear; food to eat; uplifting movies and TV shows; entertainment like Cirque De Soleil; music to dance to and move to; my own ability to move; and, while it is even hard to write—I am thankful to have known scleroderma in the way that it has brought me to my knees and sent me to the depth of myself.

It has given me awareness of the tiniest things that I have learned that deserve my greatest appreciation. My husband asking me what I need. My experience that I can be in pain and still choose love. Someone smiling at me. My heart connecting with another’s heart. How one breath can change tension in my body. How one thought either can ease the way I feel or destroy a most blessed moment. My ability to look for the blessing in what feels challenging. The choice and energy to do what one wants to.

It is said that we may not remember a conversation or a reason for a connection with someone but we do remember how being with a person makes us feel.

On my deathbed, I do not think that I will say I wish I had more or wish I worked more. On our deathbeds, perhaps, we are grateful for the love we have shared. It is the only thing we can take with us; just maybe.

So, Happy Thanksgiving to you if you celebrate it.

Anyone of us can choose gratitude and thankfulness at any time.

May you know what you feel gratitude for. May you even thank the person(s) or the situation(s) that has(have) honored you.

May you be sure to include yourself; as you and what you do is what helps create your life experience. May you be sure to honor yourself.

May you even, just maybe, make a pact that you are and will be kind, available, truthful and honorable to yourself and as many people and situations as possible. And, it is always possible if you just give yourself the permission that this is who you want to be and are. Give thanks. It amazes me how blessed we are when we open up to the endless possibilities.

Even in darkness there are blessings. May you look for them as often as feels best to you.

Thankfulness on...

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!