Be U: "The Spiritual Healer"

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

"The Spiritual Healer"

As I am here at my computer, I look down and see a place setting card that says "The Spiritual Healer"...

This makes me very happy. I want to be a healer. I want to touch other's spirits. I want to empower you to be all that you can be.

I have learned a lot through my own pain and experiences. I have been classed in many modalities in the name of healing and connecting to one's deepest source.

I understand and know many possibilities of seeing, living and being in this human form. I know triumphs and challenges.

This does not mean that I am perfect. This does not mean that I'm a know-it-all. This does not mean that I don't get stuck and have my own 'stuff' to work on and through.

It does mean I care. It does mean I want to help. It does mean that I listen and am open to what I hear. It does mean that just maybe I can give some insight into an easier, more valuable and helpful way to see and do things.

I've been having somewhat of a hard time with this blog posting site. It doesn't seem to work on the new OIS system on my phone or my Ipad. It seems to get stuck more often than not just now on my computer. I've had some frustrating and slow times with it. I find the screen freezing from time to time. I find it less inviting to come here because of that.

Interesting, how I am also finding myself freezing, slow and stuck throughout the days.

And, because of that and my own stuckness and experiences that I am currently living in, I've hidden from myself and from you. I've sat in my truth not knowing how to share it. Probably not wanting to share it and look at it through the eyes of seeing it written out.

I am still between the medical marijuana and the hydrocodone for pain management with scleroderma. My skin feels very tight. It is like I have a 'spanx' on without having a spanx on. That can't be all that bad, right... Ha!

I wake up not wanting to wake up [get up]; not wanting to do the day. My hands feel swollen and like catcher's mitts. I am nauseous, tired, and my screaming body can not find relief. The ringing in my head is loud. The fearfulness that I am experiencing inside of myself [just because] is an unwelcomed 'guest'. My mind feels discombobulated and uncertain. My body doesn't know what to do with the mixture and the lower dose of pain medicine as I have cut back approx. 50% while adding the cannabis. My hands turn purple and hurt when I am stressed or in cold conditions. I am realizing how a spoon doesn't fit in my mouth. I am very aware my breathing and heartbeat are more labored. Chemical withdrawal -- I think so.

I look up the medical marijuana reviews. It says 'happy', 'calm', 'creative', 'energy'. I have not experienced much of any of these lately.

My body's chemistry is unstable and revamping. I'm staying in the truth and flow of this as much as I am able. I find myself wanting to not just sit in silence but lay in silence. I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to do so. I can easily beat myself up here and I have learned that beating myself up helps no one and not a thing.

So, I love myself through. I love my spirit. I love my soul. I love.

Even through pain, challenge and the unknown, I can still choose love.

May you choose love through any pain, challenges and/or the unknown; to the best of your ability.
You are worth it.

Flow with the current and currency of your life. Let ease, truth, love and hope carry you when life doesn't feel so grand. Hug yourself.

When life feels grand, enjoy it and be grateful for it and pat yourself on the back. Yay you!

Until we meet again... I care. I send you love. I send you hope. I know that you matter. You matter because you 'are'... I have no doubt of this.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!