Be U: Energy Healer

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Energy Healer

I went to an 'energy healer' today. We went in deep to what was in deep. Ha.

I connected with my fear of stepping out of my non-doing and into my doing; anew It keeps coming back to me just letting me be me. Allowing myself to embrace all that I feel; all that I want to do; and all that I want to be; all that I am.

This is where 'Just 9Be U' comes from - my deepest and greatest desire - to just be me and be at peace being me.

Be like 'air' is what I was told. I take this as to allow what is to flow, which is what I see myself often writing and talking about.

Trusting the process of life; letting life flow through us and bring our truth to each situation.

I mostly know what I want to do in each moment. I do not always do it.

I think it's fear. The healer was saying it is just more habitual and just what I taught myself. This rang true for me. And, fear rings true for me too.

Not wanting to be questioned in a 'are you nuts' kind of way and wanting to be understood. I flow too easily with what I think others want than standing firm and knowing what I want.

I know things like I want to exercise; I want to laugh; I want to be with people. I don't know things like what do I want to have for dinner always and where do I want to go with another. I don't want to do anything that will make another sad or uncomfortable.

I hesitate knowing/doing me when another is affected in a non-positive way. I also know in my brain that 'others' are the only ones that can choose a positive or negative action/reaction. We are each in charge of our own thoughts. And, I still allow myself to get stifled. I guess that all my cells haven't bought in or caught up to what my brain knows. ! .

This comes from my actions and reactions not being liked when I was a child. I was not encouraged to be the real me. 'My' adults had too much of their own stuff and were - a lot of time - unable to create space for my 'stuff'. Children were to be seen and not heard. Children were not people until they became adults; often, in my world. Even then, we are not always set free to be what made us happy.

I'm happy to see children are more people now, yet, not everyone 'plays' this way. I look forward to the day that we all 'play' to support and empower each other only to live from love, not worry or fear.

May you know what you want and allow yourself to (at the very least) offer it out [speak it]; reach for it.

May you let children be people while bringing your true loving self into each situation that arises. Is it your fear or your person/belief that may be holding a child back... [If, in fact, you find yourself holding a child back.] Sometimes, this may be a question to ask ourselves.

Are you holding yourself back for the same reasons... fear, beliefs, who you are in each particular moment.

May you let yourself gooooooo....

Be like air- flow.

Be like bamboo - bend.

Be like a flower - bloom.

Be like the divine - love.

Be like you want to be - live.

I know that as we just be ourselves, we empower others to just be themselves... Let's empower each other on.

Note: I do believe that we know our children and ourselves better than anyone. When we live from our best self, we do the best we can. No judgment. My only thoughts are that, perhaps, we will support our best and happiest self forward.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!