Be U: Days or Daze

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Days or Daze

The days seem to be going by very fast. I wake up and before I know it, I'm going to sleep. There are many hours in between and, yet, they seem to go by very fast.

I don't know all of what I'm occupying myself with.

I was very much concentrating on doctors and settling into medical help. I'm hopefully, at the end of this search for now.

I know I go on FB and social media.   I 'talk' with friends and family. We talk about life and living as our best selves. I take care of the animals and the house. I enjoy a walk in the nature that surrounds my home. I love the sun on my face or the breeze on my skin. When it is cold, as it has been for two or so days now, I enjoy the warmth of winter clothes.

We, my family, friends and connections, talk about really awesome stuff and really challenging stuff. We all have it. We all have both in our lives at one time or another. If we can get somewhat balanced in it, we are doing pretty good I think.

I believe I am here to teach what I have learned. I am here to offer love where it is needed. To offer understanding where there is little.  I am far from perfect and I want to help build a world where we are all happier, as fulfilled as we can be in each moment and living the truest and most loving of our own unique self; together.

I am still eating more than I want to, but I do see a decrease in food intake and an increase in movement. This is good. I still want to do better, as best as I can daily. I am a work in progress and I am okay with this.

As I feel safe and more understood with the medical world, I feel safer and stronger within my own life. I know I can combat anything; process anything as long as there are people who hear me, know me, see me and support me.

Most humans like support. Perhaps, we are made to support. We 'grow' best when we are supported. By ourselves; by one another.

May you support yourself. May you support another.

May you live your days aware and open.  When and if you do find yourself dazed and shut off, embrace it, acknowledge it, open up to it and trust yourself that there is a reason you are here and you will know your answers; get your support; are okay and are, perhaps, at a wonderful moment in your life where you can create the greatest of days yet to come [in a whole new way or somewhat of a different way].

I believe in you. May you believe in you. Days or Dazed... you are still you and you are still on your journey. This magical journey is just what it is.

You deserve to live the best of you; the magic in you; the knowing that is you connected to this Source, this God, this Everything that has us all breathing, beating and being...

Journey well. Journey on. Journey through. Journey as YOU.

Thank you.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!