Be U: 2/6/14

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

2/6/14

I typed the below post on 2/6/14. Something had me going back to look to see what I had written on this day previously. I feel this is certainly a good one to share again as our world and many of us find ourselves still in turmoil, change and open to and finding balance in ourselves and all that is...

May it resonate within and without. May you continue to grow into the best of you.
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I struggle to begin typing here. I am all over in thought and feeling and I am uncomfortable within my skin. (what else is new?)....

There is something about 'vibration' that keeps creeping from my brain and it is my understanding that while some are talking about 'vibration', others have not a clue as to what it means or even care.

The theory (or fact) behind vibration is that we are all energy and that energy vibrates with life (and even objects) and that we all vibrate on different frequencies depending on our experiences and our responses to our experiences.

Most would say that a higher vibration is what one would want to achieve. A higher vibration meaning that there is less drama created in your own thinking and being; you are more in tune with the universal energy in totality and you are kind, loving, and sharing of this. Many believe that life flows easier for one at a higher vibration.

I do believe that we are energy. Everything around us is energy. Energy is abundant, dormant and restless.

I seem to be in a strange 'land' of all of this. I know the peace and calm. I know love.   I know chaotic and sporadic energies within and without. I know constant flux and I feel the totality of the universe.

There is much pain and hardship occurring. There is much that, seemingly, hardly is able to float. There is the greatest joy and beauty known to mankind. There is a great imbalance and fear that is vastly being altered consciously and unconsciously.

We are all looking for fulfillment. My thought this morning was that I have a much easier time being on the spiritual side than the human side. Through spirit, I can believe in the most magical of magic. I can connect to anything and anyone. I can know that we are all okay even as we struggle.

The human side of me questions life. The humanness of myself struggles with the pain and hurt that we humans portray and induce in each other. My human body has to be in one dimension. My spirit body wants to fly.

This is the struggle that I feel. I know I can do anything. I know my hummaness is hindering this.

I believe many may have crossed this boundary already.   Many are being greater than most could anticipate. Many are being lost more than most of us can fathom. Awareness of all of this is greatly in our consciousness. Perhaps, more so than ever.

I keep hearing myself write and think that we are at a 'tipping point'. Meaning - we are energy run amok, rampant, powerful and desiring to know fulfillment.   We all have to achieve this for us all to be really fulfilled. Fulfillment comes as a whole. Fulfillment cannot be achieved until there are none that are hungry, none that are alone in turmoil, none that are so pained that all they can offer is pain.

I have known this within forever. I have discarded and buried this as to think I must be the crazy one. I am the way too sensitive one. I am the 'wrong' one.

What one of us has easily to offer; another one needs desperately. Just, what if....

May you be open to giving what you can and receiving what you need. Now, this is a concept. HUGE.

Unknown

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!