Be U: Sit

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Sit

I sit down here to the computer and I feel irritable, uncertain, frustrated and I have an overabundance of energy.

Wow... Never thought I'd be saying these words for real! lol Truth

I do have energy and I do not know what to do with it. It is foreign and, in truth, a bit uncomfortable. However, my head, heart and being tells me this is really 'rockin'! This is exactly where I am supposed to be.

I've had two big 'sessions' with professionals. One where I put little Lisa on my lap and experienced her as a child when she first started shutting down, being afraid and, also, when she [I] first decided not to share my true self outside of myself. I then took her with me back to this experience in my mind as the adult (awesome adult may I add!?!?! (Ha)) that I am now and held her, protected her and gave her the safety that she wasn't feeling (back then) to be her true self in order for her to reboot all my cells, my brain, my way of thinking, my way of feeling and my way of experiencing life. HUGE. May I just restate.... HUGE!!!!

The second was with my husband on how to better understand each other's thinking processes.... (not my agenda and we all know 'Men are from Mars'!..). I heard him speak things; feelings, emotions, challenges, and his truth in a different way. My hat is off to him for giving it all that he has and, man, I was not ready for it! Yikes.

So, I process through, sit in, and feel all this new information and proceed, as lovingly as possible, forward.

May you process through, sit in, and feel any and all new information (as much as possible) as you proceed forward; with as much love as you can connect to.

The Universe is giving us (most of us, if not all) our own individual 'downloads' just now and, I believe, the best thing we can do is listen, hear and respond to our own true self. "Just Be U" and sit, walk through and on & fly whenever, wherever possible.

The 'answer(s)' are not out there. They are within each of us individually and, ultimately, as a collective whole.

We are all intertwined whether we feel it, act like it or know it. It is so. My belief.

My wish is for you is to lovingly be open to and share what is you from the deepest part of self, connection and with the greatest of compassion.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!