Be U: Company

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Company

My company, for now, has left. My nephew(s) were here and we had a lot of laughter and a lot of fun. Their support means everything to me and their crazy youthfulness is a real joy to be around! How energetic and all-encompassing they can be.

It is nice to spend company with company. I also like to spend time with my own company as this rejuvenates me in a different way than it does when I spend company with the company of others.
---

I spent time with the company of my new doctor today. I was fearful of my appointment with him as I knew I had to share my truth and question where he was coming from and offer him to please meet me where I am in my healing process and not start from the beginning as if I've never been to a doctor.

I whined some (or so it sounded and felt so to me). I offered factual information which was a good way for the doctor to be able to hear me as many of them deal with facts [rightly so]. I condensed my story of having my first ulcer on my finger at 17 and, now at 54, I am still dealing with them; although they are healing faster and they go less deep. I was heard. I allowed myself to be heard. He was very willing to hear me as it is what conscious energy I brought with me to the appointment.

My goal was accomplished. There are still no real, tried and true answers. But, I was heard. I am owning who/what/where I am and with this ownership of same, I take full responsibility of my life and my reactions to my life and to others.

How can I expect to be helped and heard if I don't speak my truth and own and share what I need/want and feel. How can I not tell someone how I feel and expect them to know. It is unfair to myself. It is certainly unfair to them, especially when I then blame them for not responding to my needs. If they do not know my needs, how is it fair that I am mad or hurt by them that they cannot/do not fulfill my needs. This is 'messed up' thinking, reaction, expectation and communication on my part.

It is good thinking and good communication when I strongly state my truth from a loving and truthful place within myself. From here, I am standing and owning ME and from here, I am giving others the opportunity to really hear, respond and react in their own truth and with their own knowledge. How glorious and wholly this can work... How rewarding it can be for the parties that are willing to go 'here'. The consensus was that the doctor and I both have the goal of helping me to know better health and less pain. This was, in fact, stated by him. He thanked me for sharing my truth with him and said that truth is the best way to go. I truly felt an energy change in the room where, I believe, we both benefited from this open and truthful conversation as we went from only his intent to my own as well.

May you know, own, share, and speak your needs in the company of others. True communication and company imbibing on.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!