Be U

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

OH BOY

When will the madness stop? When will we say enough is enough? When will I simplify and stop.

When will I know what the hell I'm talking about?

When will I get on with it and just be me?

When When When

Tomorrow may not come and today I'm doing the best I can with what I know and the experiences I have been dealt.

Some have been over the top, out of this world fabulous. Some have been painful enough for me not to let go of the pain for many, many years.

So, what if the pain and the over-the-top fabulous is part of who I am and this is okay and will never change and the road I choose to travel from here on out - is just that.

A road, a process, a goal to achieve to LIVE.

What if there is no when - only now. Now is the only time I have. What do I want to be doing in it?

What do U want to do in the NOW that U have? Are U doing it?

Feelings of Frustration

I'm feeling a bit irritable today. I'm lying. I'm feeling completely frustrated today.

I'm wanting my life to be different and I'm not sure how to make this happen. I want more happiness in my life; more of what brings me joy.

My family brings me joy and they are out and about finding their own joy (I hope anyway). They are in and out living their lives and finding their way (I hope anyway).

So, here I am. What to do.... What to do.....

So many possibilities!

I could say 'how lucky am I' to be at this crossroads. Yet, lucky isn't exactly what I'm feeling. Ha.

Life is all about the process. The process is life.

How are U enjoying Ur process of living?

I think this is a dancing fountain in Atlantic City, NJ, USA.

Whatever Is Put Out

I believe that whatever I put out into the world; the whole world is affected. As I believe whatever U put out there in the world, we are all affected.

I can't imagine how (even though we may not 'feel' it), all mishaps, happiness and other things do not affect the world. They must. When there is darkness, it has to touch us. When there is brightness, how can we not smile.

Some things may have the effect on us more and other things we cannot even feel. However, it's all out there in our Universe.

What if the Universe isn't as vast as some of us first thought. What if, just what if, all living things are connected through something that we can't feel and acknowledge with our brains.

What if there is so much more going on than we know.

Just what if, we could all just be our true selves and offer our love and need for love to the world.

Where would our world be then?

What are U putting out into our world today?

Having to Admit Defeat and Take Responsibility

I created my life. I made it what it is today. This is a very 'hard' pill for me to swallow. I want to blame other people. I lived other people's dreams. They were great dreams AND they were not my dreams.

It is time to create my dream.

I wish I knew how.

Where to begin.

Baby, baby steps.

Admitting that I put myself right where I am is a great first start. I still feel resistance to this. OUCH.

Having so many animals, such a big house that needs constant attention for me to be comfortable, and wanting to always give happiness to others around me; wanting to create and keep a certain image.

All of this has brought me here.

Yes, there is much good to my life. Many beautiful things and people.

However, I am overwhelmed and want to simplify. I want to simplify my life and sit by a babbling brook in the sunshine drinking lemonade.

How do I go from where I am to that.

How do I balance better.

How's Ur balancing act today?

Monday, April 11, 2011

Baby, It's NOT Cold Outside... Anymore

Hip Hip Hooray!

AND, I met someone who doesn't like the heat.....

Oh, us humans!

I guess that's why there are so many different options. If we could only just follow the options that make us happy.

AND/OR

Just accept what is.

and go with it to the best of our ability.

How's your ability today?

So Many Issues

Today is full of contractors for me, again. The well pump needs to be replaced. The pond people are finishing up. The A/C unit is dripping water from the ceiling.

I am having another fun day. NOT.

I find myself not wanting to deal or have anything to do with any of this. AND, yet, it needs to be taken care of and completed.

I guess I can be grateful I don't have to worry about paying the bills. Yet, this is not true. I am not out making the money for it. I am at home taking care of all of it today.

This money 'thing' gets tricky. I am not the breadwinner of the family AND, yet, I still care and find myself being concerned about it all.

Would I rather spend it somewhere else. Definitely.

Do I have a say. I suppose.

Is anything going to change today. I doubt it.

What's Murphy's Law --- what is in motion; stays in motion.

How and Where do I change things up AND do I want to get off this particular motion?

How satisfied are U with how things are 'running' in your life? Is there something or somehow U'd like to incorporate even a wee bit of change?

Up Early For Me

I'm up early and heading out the door for my daughter. It's somewhat dark yet and I can only see the 'shadows' of the tree trunks and feel the dew in the air. The fish are waiting to be fed and it's cool air. Invigorating; maybe. Damp; definitely.

I visited my 90 year old aunt yesterday and she was reminiscing about past loves and 'what if's' and 'how wonderfuls.

Life really does go by fast. When I think of being 19 and thinking about being 50, it wasn't really an easy thing to believe. Now that I'm 50, I can think about being 19 and it doesn't seem that far back; that far away.

So, in 19 years from now when I'm 69; wow, is that possible!; I'll know things that I don't know now.

So, today is a great opportunity to make happy memories for tomorrow. No matter what it is we do, we can choose to do it happily and easily or we can choose to do it angry and hard.

We do have the right to choose how we live through life in our own beings.

How do U choose to live today?

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!