Be U

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Another Day, Another Opportunity

Today is another day, another opportunity to live, explore, smile more and, perhaps, add or subtract something from my life.

Today could also be a day to Just Be and Do and Allow as we go through our day.

So many possibilities are right here in front of us all the time. All we have to do is grab them and participate.

What would U like to participate in today to 'rock' your world and make today a happy memory for tomorrow? Rock being positive and fun.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Truthful

I am learning that being truthful to my loved ones; family and friends, is one of the most liberating things for all. I am learning that when I speak my truth about how I feel in regards to the individual person TO the individual person, this opens up clarity, freedom and beauty between each other and in our world.

It helps to enable the other individual to speak more freely and true. It lets me know where they are coming from and what they are truly thinking in regards to what I need/want to know.

It's amazing the peace that comes from the bravery of being vulnerable. Sure, they could hurt me and ridicule me. However, my experience is almost 100% of the time - when I come from a place of love and calm, they have greater freedom to share their truth right back to me.

It's a beautiful thing.

My wish for U is that U'll try it and like it AND U'll truly find and Be U with each vunerability shown and open/truthful conversation had.

Living

What does living mean to U?

Living, to me, means being out and about in the world exploring new places, meeting new people and having fun in the sun. Living is about helping people strive to be the best that they can be. Living means honesty and sharing. Living means smiling and dancing.

Wow, that's a lot to live up to. I've been to many places, met many people, tried many things. Hawaii, one of my favorite all-time places. People, such as a Cardinal, a Marine, a Celebrity, a Happy, Beautiful, Confident Woman. Things such as a helicopter ride, a sail/motor/air boat ride(s), top of a very tall building, hiking a mountain trail, bottom of a large waterfall, in the audience of a broadway play; on Assateague Island with the wild ponies to a dormant volcano where a certain type of plant can only be found there; a sugar cane plantation in Hawaii to Niagra Falls in the USA to snorkeling in Bahamas to dancing in Mexico to a winery in Napa Valley, CA. These are all living life to me.

I've been very fortunate 'living'.

Just what if living was also sitting on the back porch by myself to laying in bed with my dogs to driving in the car with my daughter. Sitting here at the computer to cleaning the house to brushing my teeth. It's all a part of life. Why do I believe that being out and about is more important than being in and chillin. Why do I feel more important when I'm out and about as opposed to being in and chillin. Mmmmm.

Can I feel important just sitting with myself as to feeling important when I'm out with others in far off places. Oh, this is good for me!

I want to allow and feel worthy doing the mundane. I want simplistic and easy. I want calm and peace.

I want to help others to know their worth. I want to do everyday things and enjoy and know the importance of me.

So, I'd like to change up my meaning of life a bit. I want life to be whatever it is I'm doing that I'm living and I'm alive. Actually, this is the truth, isn't it? Ha.

Guilt

Guilt - "feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined" (from Dictionary.com)

Guilt is about doing something immoral or doing something hurtful on purpose.

I am feeling guilty today. Guilt that this is all I can do - which is basically nothing. However, I am not hurting anyone (including myself) and I am not doing anything wrong. So, AM I allowed to feel guilty? Does 'guilt' really belong with me or in me?

NO.

If U are not doing anything intentionally to hurt anyone or anything, then guilt has no place in your being.

Can it be imagined. I certainly can imagine or sense guilt being real. Do I want to let it go? U bet!

Do U sometimes feel guilt for no reason or imagined?

My wish for U is next time U feel guilty; ask yourself if U are doing something intentionally hurtful or wrong. If your answer is NO, then U are now allowed to feel guilty, perhaps.

Food

It seems that when I'm down, most aspects of my life are off. I'm not moving, I'm eating poorly, my motivation is low and I'm not enjoying where I am.

I am just grabbing whatever is easily available to consume from the kitchen. I'm not thinking about calories, nutrients, cooking healthy.

I'm thinking about taste and ease (maybe just ease!). Wow, can this get me in trouble. From french fries to diet coke with lemon to yogurt to leftover chicken alfredo. I'm consuming it all. I feel uncomfortable and bloated.

Again, what mode we are going in - we stay .... until we change it. Law of Motion.

It does seem once I start movement and mindful eating, it's much easier to stay in this mode. But, until I am in that mode, it seems hard to get into this mode.

Humanness. It certainly messes with me.

What 'mode' are U into today? Is it one that makes U happy and fulfilled or one that makes U sad and depressed?

Cold

My hands are cold. My hands are numb. My hands are swollen. I am angry that they are. I'm trying so many things (hormones, vitamins, Aronia berry juice, meditation, chamomile, drugs) to feel better and strong and something is still holding me back.

Yes, alot is my health. And, yet, alot of sick people are out and about doing things and getting sun on their face.

I am stuck. I am still. I am not sure what direction to head. I do not like being here, where I'm at. I want to fight and change it. I feel guilty and ashamed that I am here. I feel sad and angry.

Not a fun place to be. Let's just say I accept it. I do on a lot of days. I just accept it and move forward. Today I want to not move forward and relax and kick back. I'm in bed and I feel as tight as a spring. I can't seem to relax and unwind. I can't seem to disconnect from guilt and anger, sadness and frustration.

I know this will pass. I know this with everything I am. I don't know why I need to be here. I know I don't like being here.

What's a woman to do!

So, I'm here in a dark house in a dark place surrounded by dark weather. OH MY. I'll muddle my way through. I know I will.

I enjoy the light and lightness much more. I'm thinking that just by being human; I know I need to experience all aspects of life.

I am experiencing the dark side of life right now. It won't kill me. I'll try to welcome the process. I really want to run from it.

I used to just run. I no longer know how or truly want to run anymore. I want to face it head on and look at me in the mirror and say 'I'm here for you'.

So, even though I'm uncomfortable, unhappy and wish I felt different, I will sit in, and participate with, this moment and try to be like a butterfly and let me transform this moment into a brighter, more colorful 'flight' into the next phase of my life.

I'm so losin it now. Or, am I braver then I ever was? Mmmmm.

Are U ready to be brave to look at your true self in the mirror and accept what is and find a way to transform like a butterfly? Are U already a butterfly and want to fly higher? Are U exactly where U want to be?

Yet, once the butterfly transforms, is it still part caterpillar? (it's been dark for too long....) Ha.

Weather/Whether

The weather is pretty crazy here. 45 deg. I guess it didn't get the memo that it is Spring! I hear it's 90 in Florida, which is much higher than average for Spring.

I see storms, flood, tornadoes, tsunamis, dry spells.

The weather is talking to us.

Not sure what it is saying. To me, I believe it's something about stopping to smell the roses. It's wanting us to share love with each other and love with ourselves.

Everyone of us on this planet was born with love in our heart; love for ourselves. ....Is this true? I don't really know if this is true.

I want to say that everyone of us enjoys love more than hate. AND, I don't know if this is true. I know love feels better inside of me instead of hate. When I feel love, I feel peace, connection, joy, excitement, and happiness. When I feel hate, I feel turmoil, disconnect, anger and I believe I am unable to feel happiness.

I would like to choose love over hate. Love is something I welcome. Hate is something I fight with.

My battle with the weather has been ongoing. In the cold, I hibernate. In the comfortable heat, I bask.

I have no idea why or where I'm going with this......

Whether I choose love or I choose hate - is it up to me? I think it is.

What do U choose? Love or Hate AND, yes, there can be a lot in between the two.

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!