Be U

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Middle of the Night

Here it is the middle of the night. Pain woke me up again. Not as horrible as it's been, but pain nonetheless.

My computer is down and out and had to go to the 'doctors'. I hope I get it back soon. I have this back up computer (apparently). It is not as convenient. It's downstairs on the other side of the house. My house is not tiny. So, access to it and being able to sit with it and write my blogs may be a bit slow; plus tis the season and all that.

I guess I'm saying this because it's not that I am not enjoying this anymore, there's just a 'force' here making it harder for me to get here.

My wish is I hope everyone is feeling the spirit of positivity, light and love. I hope we all stay, as much as possible, on our 'happy' path and do what we want to do; not what we believe we 'have' to do like with past Christmases. Can we make this Christmas a Christmas about love, connection; the real us connecting with the 'realness' of others.

May we find and make the time to truly enjoy and be in the moments that come our way. Can we enjoy and accept what is and make decisions based on our happiness so we can truly share our true selves with others. No falseness (or as little as possible).

Let's reach out and know that we are all doing the best we can with what we know and the experiences we've lived. If there is someone angry in our lives; can we consider that they may be more hurt(ing) and are hiding behind anger. Can we look at others in just a wee bit different light to create a different connection if we want to.

My guess is that most of us (99%) are not bad people. Can we, perhaps, be connected by our untruth part to one or more people and can that be creating falseness or stuckness in these relationships. Is this worth your self-love to consider this. Is it worth your happiness.

I believe we all have something that we think we rather not live with (a pain, a problem). Let's embrace our uniqueness as we celebrate the Season of Christ being born and allow new things to be born in our lives that will be helpful and loving towards ourselves and others.

Again, it's the middle of the night. I know when I ran my fitness business, I used to say I did my most creative work then. (not sure if this is still the case - ha).

Can you be your true self around someone that you'd like to feel connected to in a better light and, at the very least, give yourself peace of mind that you did all you could for your life to feel good about you where a lost or off relationship is concerned.

Can we let the birth of Jesus remind us to give new birth(s) to our own lives and be more of who we really are with the outside world. (scary a bit perhaps) Being You is what it's totally all about. Just what if this is true. Aren't you worth it? I can answer that, YES.

We are here because we are worth being here. Today is a good day to live this. I wish you your U-ness!

Friday, December 3, 2010

When

When we have nothing left to give - perhaps, it's best to stop giving.

And, best for all parties involved I'm betting.

What to Focus On

Sometimes I find myself focusing on 'outside' things. Other people's needs, the fish swimming in the pond, the contractor putting together a floor. Other times I focus on how I feel, think; and what I need.

Again, the balance is what works best for me. Too much 'out there' and I forget and neglect 'in here'. And vice versa.

I flourish most when I keep the balance of the two. It's nice noticing the red cardinal on the green tree when everything else is brown. It's also nice when I smile from within because I feel warm and cozy.

Balance - A beautiful gift to give ourselves this holiday season.

How's your balance doing today?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Tired

Ok, I'm t i r e d - tired. Getting caught up in the moment to moment work and joy of decorating (with help) and going.

I feel productive and happy and I know that I need rest. B a l a n ce - Balance is very important to my health during this holiday season. I want to be more aware and not run on autopilot as much as possible.

Kind of too tired to think. I'm letting others pull me into their 'joy' of the season and I would like to stay in my own. Share theirs when I am able and allow it to be okay when I am unable.

Tis the Season.

My wish is that this s e e s o n will allow us to see more clearly and accurately into our own needs and save a bit of energy and love for ourselves.

I honor you and your needs.

Do you - Are you?

I am Here

I am here. I am just sitting with my life and getting caught up, happily, in the Christmas spirit. A time for togetherness and openness and being here for each other in a brighter/greater light.

I was awake with alot of pain during the night and there is something easily in me that pushes me on and I feel loved and upbeat in this moment. There is alot of good in my life.

What are you focusing on today and how does it make you feel?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Getting to Know Yourself Benefits

Just got done receiving a 'massage' and I immediately notice that my hands are softer. When I texted, it didn't bother my fingers as much. I feel more 'in my body'.

We manipulated my 'pain' and my tightness. I felt the energy flowing in my brain and my belly. I worked through by breathing and trusting. We stayed in the areas of severe burning pain and 'stuckness'.

I really feel like we are talking to the scleroderma itself today FINALLY.

I write this and I feel crazy. I also feel very real and true.

I have no idea what will come out of this and I am excited about the 'investigation' of my feelings; emotionally and physically.

I want to say that I feel like this is what I've been waiting for. The connection between my core and my hands. ( I have typed and deleted this a few times. I'm keeping it here this time because it is my truth.)

I may be completely off my rocker and I'm going for it. For 30 years, I've thought that my belly and my disease were working together. The one had something to do with the other. For 30 years, I've had this belief that I can tap into and manipulate the physical symptoms of my body. I've seen and felt it.

I believe my disease is more on the surface than it ever was. Certainly, the real and true me is more out in the world then I ever was. What's going to happen - I don't know. Am I having fun. You bet.

May you live your crazy truth today and believe yourself; especially when you hear another part of your self (voice) telling you not to!

Self Defense

I had to change my anti-virus program to self-defense today and I started thinking this is what I could use.

When I am not on my happy path, when things are not feeling right; perhaps, I can kick in some self-defense. Not strong defense-like tactics. But just a loving defense that will get me back on my path of my own uniqueness, my own hopes, my own knowing what works for me.

When my body is telling me it's tired and doesn't want to be pushed anymore. Self-defense - REST

When I want to go out and do something fun and exciting for me (no guilt) - Self-defense - SEE A SHOW

When I am feeling like someone is pushing me to a place of my 'unhappy' - Self-defense - SAY NO

Want to take a self-defense class today and try it out for yourself? ha.

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!