Be U: UnBoxed

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, July 31, 2023

UnBoxed

I have recently been going through saved items; meaningful things [to me] that I have saved since I was a child. Oh yes, these things are decades to half a century old. Yikes and how fun.

Reliving the memories of the stuff I have collected, held onto for the reasons I did.

From fun girlfriend times to memories of my elders to sibling shares to old loves and all sectors of me. All of it full of my own love ‘potion’.

Boxed away and almost forgotten.

Yet, I realize that it is all a part of who I am. All a part of my growth. All a part of me now, still.

Everything you have experienced and has had meaning to You is inside of You, living through You.

I'm experiencing the happy side of it all; going down memory lane.

I come across a school project and realize the confirmation of what I've already believed. That we are innately filled with who we are when we are born. The unique pieces of us get ‘played’ again and again in many different ways that are most definitely not always conscious but most definitely ‘built in’. The 'potions' of what makes you You. They get deepened, altered, and, perhaps, challenged but they remain steadfast for the most part.

I want to share with you sentences that I wrote when I was around age 12 which is so the basis of who I am and what I am about; what I am here to present.

I also found where I wrote about what I’d like for my future…

Well, six kids never happened but I was a ‘secretary’. What I found most amazing is the innate and gut instinct to living a truthful, loving and authentic life. To Just Be Me.

May you "Just 9Be U". "Grow Yourself Complete" again and again and again.

May you be open to your innate wisdom and gut instinct. Your instinctual wisdom is truly real and unique and will guide you and give you your contentment, fulfillment and truth. It will encourage and teach you trust. It will give you the feeling that you are always 'home' as You are doing, being and living the life that is inside of You to live.

May you get on letting You get on… !!

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!