Be U: Seek Without Hiding

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, May 22, 2022

Seek Without Hiding

Oh these are some days! These are unique times. It is now that our lives are changing, adapting, growing and participating in fast but deep depths.

The depth of the life we have lived in; are living in; and opening up to new depths to live out from.

From just two years ago (even longer) till now, there is not much that remains stable, same or linear.

It is known that our own DNA can change; scientifically change, through experiences of new thoughts, reactions and studying our humanness. We know microscopic and massive change.

We know change of minute and huge proportions. Like when the whole world was lit up with a virus in a way that we never lived as a whole Earth before.

What is happening over there can greatly affect us over here. We 100% know this now. We've lived in out loud.

We can change a thought purposefully and we can change our perspective and the way we feel instantaneously.

We are learning a new way of co-existing. I believe we are co-existing better when we consider what other lives are experiencing and living as and through.

When I own that everything I think, feel and experience comes from within myself -- Wow. It is a truth that wows me. It is great news and it is challenging news.

If something is not in me to connect to something outside of myself, I respond one way. When something is in me that something outside of me 'triggers' or connects to, I am touched deeper within this 'something'.

Breathe. Just breathe through your own uniqueness. Let it be so. Love it. Love yourself. Let your love be behind everything that is even in the moments or experiences that are impossible to love.

Underneath (or it is above) it all, there You are.

Be this You. The You that can watch your breath, change your own mind and reactions and connect to the love that is You(rs).

Your uniqueness. Let it set in and live out with your own love.

Be the beauty that You want to live in, with, around and through.

Empowering You. I so wish to tap into the part of you that empowers You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!