Be U: Wondering

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, August 30, 2019

Wondering

I come here wondering what is up with me... Wondering what I will share; type and post... I am open and curious.

May you find yourself curious and open to learn about yourself and know yourself; through love.

There is a storm brewing, heading towards Florida, USA. It is uncertain of where the eye will hit and 'if' and 'when' carries a lot of unknown.

The grocery shelves are empty or emptying and gas is hard to find. Many have learned to take the threat of a hurricane seriously over the years as more and more of us Floridians have experienced and gone through a hurricane.

This will be my first time living in a high rise on the water. The building is built for a Category 5 hurricane and if Mother Nature wants to get me, she will get me.

I am preparing and praying. I know that in this very moment, I am okay, safe and fine.

The skies last night gave me a light show like no other light show I have ever experienced. There were skies of darkness; skies of half dark and half light; skies of lightning striking and skies of almost what looked like daylight. The one picture I am choosing to post here reminds me of hands holding a light source. I am choosing it to take it as a sign that there is a light source that is within all of us and for all of us that holds and awaits for us to tap into, believe and become the best 'lit up' version of ourselves through love. (If you find yourself curious to see the other pictures, please visit Https://www.facebook.com/just9beu/
I hope you will be happy if you do.)

I believe that your love and truth while being mindful and aware is what will produce the best version of You. I so wish for you to feel and know that You are living the best version of You. To be able to embrace, become and live from this place deep inside of yourself out into and being a part of everything you do. With every breath you take... as often as possible.

I also know that while looking at these pictures, I can see myself in all of them. I live in darkness, I live in half darkness/half light, I live in light, I live in sharp moments, I live in whole moments, I live in the unknown and I live in the seen (or known).

I am human and this is the/my human experience.

May you let what is in front of you and within you talk to you and may you choose the best version of you in each and every situation that appears and becomes.

Being You is the miracle that your life knows wholeness in.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!