Be U: Wonder Wandering

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, August 19, 2019

Wonder Wandering

I sit under interesting skies today. Hint of rain. Sound of thunder. Sun in the north. Darkness in the south.

It seems to me that when in Florida, if one doesn't like the weather, keep driving, it will change.

Just like life, if we are not loving the moment that we are in, bring our truest of self into it through acceptance and know that every moment is unique and doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing.

What we put out; what we think; what we feel; what we do creates who we are in the moment and going forward.

May you step outside of yourself and watch; from time to time.

Be mindful. Be aware.

Sometimes, the littlest movement or a simple thought or word will change/alter our own world.

If I am feeling sluggish and I go for a walk, the feeling of sluggishness changes.

If I am feeling down and I tell myself how awesome I am and allow myself to believe it, the feeling of being down can change.

If I am alert and mindful and in the present moment, it is common to not feel anxiety about the future.

If I feel so many things and can't seem to land on one -- which is what I am currently feeling, I let myself be open to accepting me just as I am and knowing that this will change. I'm not loving my current moment and I can also be grateful for seeing the beautiful pale blue sky with fluffy white clouds hanging out in it.

I may think that I have nothing of importance to say - and it may be so. And, I can choose to sit in my stillness and with my breath.

As I trust the process of life. As I trust myself to live in my truth. As I breathe and do my best to love myself through, I am enough and I know that you, too, are enough also.

It is okay to not feel up, productive, on it and great.

We are human. This balance, imbalance; structured and unstructured life is exactly how we are supposed to be if we are this way.

May you meet yourself where you are at and love anyway.

May you be open to being everything that you are and open to resting when you feel the need and flying when the 'open door' allows it. You are magic. You are whole.

Sit deep in your soul and watch yourself live... before you know it, you will know different and anew.

Live in each moment as it shows itself to you. This is your superpower and, perhaps, it can be fulfilling as you believe in the wonder of yourself.

May you believe in the wonder of You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!