Be U: Becoming; Non-Becoming

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, April 26, 2019

Becoming; Non-Becoming

Below please find some of my own responses on social networks. There is so much depth, change, alterations, evolving and transformation going on, something inside of myself told me to share so I am just going with it.

If something resonates with you, I am grateful. If nothing does, just let it go. It is my belief this means it isn't meant for you. And it is okay either way.

May you follow and invite your inner knowing to step forward (and through) with you.

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Thank you for the awesome love that is You(rs)! Yes. We are right where we need to be developing into everything that empowers and is love, loving ways and loving nourishment for all. We are enough just as we are and we are each miracles and we are each a part of the vast puzzle that completes our oneness. Oh I'm so ready to live in this world that is becoming what we are and not becoming (letting go) what we are not. Ha. True dat! Thank you for your ‘shine’ that touches beautifully!

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I believe we are at the point where we are mostly being forced to experience what we have not wanting to experience or deal with the most. We are at this depth of burning out and changing the yucky imprint that has been around the longest. It doesn't feel easy. It feels far from joyful. And just maybe right on the other side of this is gloriousness. Individually, together we can ‘hold court’, so to speak, and step out of the human binds and scars and into the highest forms, ways and desires of ourselves.

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May we trust the process, breathe deeply as much as it takes, feel it anyway and keep our hearts and minds open to the love and wholeness that we can feel underneath, or is it above, all of these feelings of unease and hardship. To me it is a constant murmur that invites me to tap into as I breathe, feel and open to the trust of completely being me. A begging. A longing.

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Hugs. I surround you with love and light from my soul to yours. May we all do this for each other just now... if it feels right to you.

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Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain.... pain go away. We want to ‘play’. Perhaps, sometimes, just maybe, we can consider and think of pain as a sensation; just a sensation. And, perhaps just maybe, the pain will agree to lessen and allow us better moments and experiences. I'm all for this to happen. Ha. Hugs. Thank You.

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May you offer up the truth of You in all your moments and experiences; as best you can, as often as you can.

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Your truth is the answer that will allow you to soar.

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Between our weaknesses and strengths is where our true self lives best, complete in each moment; just maybe. Thank you. Hugs.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!