Be U: Never Give Up...

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Never Give Up...

I've had an interesting day that I'd like to share.

Last night I woke up in such great pain that my right side of my face was swollen. My gums, my jaw, my neck, my right ear... swollen; and I found myself in great discomfort. If it wasn't for pain medicine, I would've been at the hospital.

I, again, am taking this experience as another sign from the Universe to Stop being sick; stop needing medicine and to realize and to be aware of how much I depend on medicine, doctors and pharmacies to all align to keep me somewhat sane and living in a dis-eased life the best way I can with what the healthcare system can offer me (and what I have allowed for myself). And, the need for this alignment can make me kind of--sort of insane. This makes me want to learn a new and different way of life dealing/living with scleroderma until and when I no longer have it.

So, upon awakening this morning, after a few hours of sleep, I call the dentist and his office was closed for the day. I dialed the emergency telephone number left on his recording and left a message. After waiting an half hour and not receiving a return call, I then called his cell number that he had given me several months back and left the same 'emergency' message on his cell phone. My goal was to get antibiotics because I have been here before and antibiotics were the answer. (How nice it is for me to have an answer with a health issue!)

When the dentist didn't call me back, I called my Rheumatologist and Family Doctor and both lines had a recording that they were out for lunch - one up to a two hour lunch.   I waited and tried the Rheumatologist again at the appropriate time and told the nurse my dilemma and asked for guidance. She said she would call me back after talking to the Specialist and told me that he suggested I call my Family Doctor.   I then called the Family Doctor and they did not have an appointment this afternoon to fit me in.   They did say they were sorry.

Meanwhile, my husband was calling his General Practitioner and they could not take me today because I was not a current patient.

So, as the last resort, my husband drove me to the "Urgent Care".   Yay for Urgent Care. I got the prescription for an antibiotic after this Doctor agreed that I had something similar to a sinus infection and it was in my lymph nodes, glands, ear and gums.

Today, I didn't give up on myself!   I accomplished the goal that I knew had to be accomplished before the sun set and the day turned into night.

Praise the Lord! Oh yes.

As soon as we picked up the prescription (size of a horse pill), I took my first pill.   I am still in discomfort but sitting is less painful than laying. I believe trying to sleep and laying flat made the infection and/or inflammation pool into one area and there was nothing pleasant about it.

I remember giving up on myself the last massage I had and did not get my needs met. However, today I didn't give up on myself (partial thanks to my wonderful husband) and my goal was met.

May you know when to give up and when to never give up... May you allow this 'knowing' to come easy to you... If you find yourself questioning anything, the answer is not ready for you to know it yet and may you sit with it, breathe, and/or walk through with love and an open heart and an open mind.

I believe we were all born 'knowing'. Sometimes we just have to remember and/or connect to this 'knowing'.

May you believe in your own 'knowing' and may you hover until you find yourself knowing exactly what brings you the most peace within.

I'd like to invite you to Trust Yourself and that You Know... Love Yourself Through

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!