Emotions and Thoughts

How many different emotions do you feel each day...  Do you feel the same ones each day...  Do you feel some more than others...  Do you wish you would feel one or more differently than your 'normal' feelings now...

How many thoughts do you think each day...  Do you know that out of the thoughts we think each day - close to 75% of them we rethink again and again...day after day.

Awareness.   'They' say awareness comes first.

Awareness of your emotions; awareness of your thoughts.  With this awareness, perhaps, comes a chance to change things up.

If there is just one thought; one sentence, that you want to stop thinking today, which would it be...  Perhaps, you can catch yourself thinking it and say 'no more'.  Perhaps, you can replace it with a different; another thought.

If I hear myself saying, "Man, I'm a nervous wreck", I am training myself to be a nervous wreck.  When I hear myself thinking this, I can say "no more".  I can choose "I am calm, cool and collected." over a nervous wreck. This feels way better to me and 'in' me than my first, original thought.

I can do this as often and whenever I catch myself.  Eventually, I win.  The one who thinks the thoughts.

Perhaps, when you feel yourself feeling an emotion that you'd rather not feel, may you ask yourself "Am I feeling this for real reasons or just because I am used to this feeling?"  I can breathe deep.  I can replace it with noticing my breath.  I can replace it with a more preferred emotion.   I can do this again and again and again until I, the one who feels the emotions, change.

May you allow your own awareness.  May you think the thought you prefer.  May you feel the emotion you enjoy.

I'm not saying to not feel what you truly feel.  I am saying be sure there is a current, in your face, reason to feel same. 

Hey, YOU are worth it.  YOU are in charge of your own thoughts and feelings.  Make YOU happy.  Make YOU happen... from the inside out.

Have fun with it.  No judgment.  No demanding.  Only ease because you are wanting to change.  Only awareness and processing through to the YOU that you fully are and that you want to be.

Happy, Fulfilled YOU.

 

Notta

I feel like I have nothing in me. 

No desire to push, pull, run or hide.  No route to take; no journey to journey on.

My finger is in 'distress' and when I get myself something to eat, try to file, open a bill or even get the dogs a treat, OUCH. 

I am so grateful that I have almost forgotten what this is like.  I am so grateful that I haven't had to live with it for some time.

I am so 'spiraling' as I know not what to do with it, me or how to walk forward.  I suppose this is another way of saying 'stuck'..  Interesting.

I am unwilling, in this moment, to embrace it.  I am unwilling, in this moment, to caress or want it to be my truth. 

I am hurt and angry that I find myself here, yet again.  I know not what to do with this feeling.

This is my truth in this very moment.  I do know it is best to feel it, let it process and eventually let it go.  Man, I don't want to have to. !

Do I know it will change - yes.   Do I know I am okay - yes.  Do I know that there is an answer - not particularly.

As I sit here, I am watching a beautiful newt walk up the doorframe on the outside of the fountain area.  He is about 3.5 inches and seems to 'just be' in his life.  There is a bamboo branch blowing close by him and he is just hanging out watching what is going on.  A dragonfly flies by my picture window.  There is a yellow flower against the gray wall. 

Little Bear, my black pekingese comes over to be lifted up on the chair.

There is so much beauty and love in the world.  May my heart not close to it.

There is so much beauty and love in this world.  May your heart not close to it. 

                                                 upper right hand corner is mr. newt

Continue On

Wherever we are; whatever we are doing; we continue on.   Life continues on.

I find that when I trust the process, trust that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, life continues on easier.

My eyesight is still playing games with me.  It seems that when I looked in the mirror this morning, my right eye is swollen and enlarged.  How weird is it that I feel like my eyeballs are harder than they were.  I found an eye doctor but when I looked up the information that was given to me, they are no longer there.  The one I was seeing currently may have gotten a little freaked when she realized she could not get contact lenses in because of the tightness of my skin.  She gave me a referral, I have to find it.  I put it in my 'safe' place and forget where my safe place is.

I had another massage yesterday.  We mainly focused on my shoulders, scalp, face, and neck.  I was so very relaxed.  I found myself in the place of not awake but not asleep.  I believe that great healing happens here.  I feel blessed and grateful that I can do this and I found someone who relates to me and I to her, very well.

Going to the grocery store and the sunbed is a big outing for me these days and I am hoping to get to this.  I know sunbeds are very controversial.  I know I feel very good in the heat and I fully commit to the down time.  I'm hoping everything in moderation and I'm okay.  I believe there are many that would disagree.  And, I cannot make them feel what I feel or walk their path for them.

Go deep within and know what is best for you.  At least, then, you will have lived your happiest, most fulfilled of lives and, this, is what I find is my goal.  I'm sure it is many of yours as well. 

I wish this for you; if you want it.

So, as I still don't know where my get up and go got up and went, I do believe it will come back.  I do believe I have a whole lotta living to do yet. 

I believe some of our best days of our lives are still ahead of us.  The more open, true and loving we are, the better moments we can create from within ourselves out...  just maybe.

May you be open, true and loving and create awesome moments from your inside out.  This is where our real lives live...  just maybe.

Quotes of Unknown Origin and Elsewhere

"Sometimes when life feels like it is falling apart, it is actually falling into place." 


"What we say to our children today will be their own inner voice tomorrow."  Speak lovingly.


"This is life.  This is living.  Nothing more.  Nothing less."  Mya Breman Therapies


 "This, as it is today, is life.  This is you living your life.  May you embrace it as you bring your true and open self to each situation as to create and live the best you."  Me


"Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.  May you be your own best friend."  Me


"You can't always get what you want."   Rolling Stones


"You know you got it if it makes you feel good."  Janis Joplin


"By fully living in your truth today, you open and create your very best path(s) for tomorrow."  Me


"Love and kindness are, perhaps, the very best presents you can give to yourself and another."  Me


"Be Here Now"  Ram Dass


"Today is a good day, I've never seen it before."   Maya Angelou


"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass.  It's about learning to dance in the rain." 


"Who let the dogs out?"  Baha Men


Perhaps, you'd like to come up with your own quote (or mantra) to say to yourself every time you need or would like to hear support for yourself...  "I believe in you" just may be a great place to start.  "I love you" is another. 

I know I believe in you and I send you love.

T I R E D - What if

I am pushing today.  Not going anywhere, but I feel like I am pushing.  I don't want to push.  It doesn't feel great.  It feels like a war.  I don't like wars.

There is a lovely rain coming down from the grey sky.  The leaves are jumping when the rain drops hit them.  The sound is making me sleepy.  The darkness makes my body feel heavier. 

I have been eating way a lot.  Out of control.  I am turning to food for some kind of comfort.  This is new to me and I don't understand it.  I won't even take a serious look at it other than knowing that this is what I am doing and that it does not feel good. 

It was my husband's birthday and our daughter came home as a wonderful surprise for the weekend.  It really was wonderful to have her with us.  It was quick but very sweet. The surprise was his greatest gift. 

I am alone again.  It is interesting that when my family and/or husband is here and for a few days, I get spoiled and enjoy it.  When they or he leaves to travel and or live their lives, it takes me a while to love my alone time again.  I mostly always find my way but not always on 'my time'. 

I know if I had a life outside of my family that I would not have time to feel this alone time and/or lonely. 

I struggle with where I am in this.  Am I lazy to not go out and find something to do.  Is it the dis-ease within my body (and perhaps, my mind) that won't let me go searching. 

I know I am fearful of professional commitment.  It has been over 20 years since I had a profession other than being a mom and a wife.

I know 'mom' is the hardest job as it doesn't allow for breaks.  AND, I know that I am the one that taught myself and believed this to be true.

Moms are allowed breaks if you allow yourself to break.  I sure hope that you do if you are a mom; and a dad, for that matter. 

You need to be your human self; your human being; your human doing. 

This is where I am stuck. 

Sure I talk to people all day long.  I go out for massages.  I go out - very infrequent - for a lunch with a friend.  I take few classes.  I learn and grow everyday.  I have become a kind of recluse by choice.  It started off with 'finding myself' - my 'internal self'.  I have found me.

Now, what do I do with me.  I know what I feel I am destined to do.  I know what brings me great joy.  I am 'abled' and available to do same. 

Yet, here I sit frozen.

I have an ulcer on my thumb just now.  It is the first one I've had in a long time.  It feels like at least six months since a yucky sore.  This is really good that I have gone this long without one. 

How do I know what is going on with me....   Do I feel this way because of the ulcer.   Do I feel this way in fear of getting an ulcer or experiencing pain.   Do I feel this way for fear of commitment.   Do I feel this way because this has been my life for a long time...  YES to all of the above; most probable.

How does one know when one doesn't know...  Just do it.  Just do it comes to mind. 

May my body listen and I find myself just doing it and knowing what it is as soon as I see, feel, know it.  May it be awesome. 

May your body listen and you find yourself just doing what you kind of/sort of know you are supposed to be doing, especially because you want to do it.  May it be awesome. 

If you find yourself stuck - just maybe stuck is where you are supposed to be.  Just know that it won't last.  For most of us, it does not.  For all of us, time changes everything.  Be caring, open, truthful and reasonable.  Be love.   

Is my life the life of being out in the world supporting others' lives.   Is my life the life that I stay put and be the lighthouse and let people find me.  Is my life the life of dealing with doctors, ailments, lack of and unfulfilled desire...

I say it is probably all of these things.  We cycle.  We recycle.  We create anew.  This is life.  Knowing this, believing this, allowing this gives me some comfort in knowing that, just maybe, my body, mind and soul have me exactly where I am supposed to be;..  for now.

Perhaps, your mind, body and soul have you exactly where you are supposed to be;... for now. 

Embrace and love yourself through.   I embrace and love myself through.   Amen.

We will know and do when we are supposed to know and do...  Just what if this is the true way of life instead of accumulating, gathering, striving.  Just what if it is allowing, embracing and loving...

I think throughout our lifetime, we probably hit most of these above things.  What if where you are right now is one of the greatest 'home runs' you will ever experience and/or live through.  It is still living.  It is still life.  It is still you.  Love is still an option.

May you choose love as often as possible.  Choose your truth and follow it through to a more sun-shiny kind of day. 

Live without the war inside of you.   May you live without war. 

As I finish this, the sun is peaking through...

                                                 Da sky after da storm

Da Storm

What to do.. We can go into the storm; turn away from the storm; pretend the storm isn't happening. We can create our own storm to outdo the current storm; we can ignore it; we can ride it out; we can bring our true loving and open self into it. We can even choose to just watch it. So many choices. So many options. I am sure I have done them all. 
 
Here's the black and white of it... It is not so much the storm that creates what we feel, do and choose. It is who we are at the time of the storm; what we know; what we feel and what we have been through that engages us to choose what we choose. If you choose the best option for you, do you add to the storm or do you try to be the quiet in the storm... What encourages it to go on and, perhaps, even yield it to be more forceful... What slows down the storm so it too, maybe, can yield to peace... The storms can seem to be plentiful at times; especially when we feel attacked, challenged or uncertain. May we send love to the storm. We can know pain pummeling through the storm. May we find shelter if the storm is dangerous. Sometimes, if we wait it out and discuss our experience of it afterwards, there can be great lessons learned and better outlets devised.

It is ok to be angry. It is not ok to hurt another because of our anger. Jump up and down. Punch and kick on the bed. Scream while in a car alone or into a pillow. Exercise. Punch and kick a punching bag. Release the physicality of the storm in an unhurtful way. Swim hard in an easy kind of way. -- Whatever keeps the storm passing through. 
 
Storms can be beautiful when they don't leave damage. Storms can leave damage long after the storm is over. We have very little options of changing a storm by Mother Nature. We have more options of dealing with a storm within ourselves. 
 
Storms happen.
 
May you let the storm be safe if it is yours. If it is another's, may you choose love of self each and every time. It is, perhaps, our best opportunity of creating safety and even quieting the storm.

We only have control of our own choices during a storm. Choose your best and most loving self. If you keep experiencing the same storm again and again;-- only by doing something different; making a new choice, creating a new way will the same storm affect you (and everybody in it) differently. Only then will the reoccurring storm change.

May you let storms offer 'self-growth' by being aware of yourself in the storm; living in your truth and living in the light of love. 
 
Storms can be beautiful and empowering. So, too, can our individual lives; together. 
 
Let's get it on.

 

You, the Tree and Me

There are many branches to all of us. May we, from within, acknowledge, own and grow with love and nurture each and every shoot of who we are.

When you are ready, go out on a limb and share your most unique branches with the world. These just may be one of your best reasons for being.

Perhaps, what one of us has another is in need of connecting to. Branch out as you are and let your loving nature - from the root of who you are - be shelter, shade, beauty, strength, etc. for yourself and for others.

Be like a tree and just be all that you are.

Stand tall; stand firm; adapt to your surroundings and be your unique and natural self. Peaceful and present is the tree.

May you allow peaceful presence and great fun while sharing your uniqueness.