Just a Challenging Day

Okay.  I had a challenging day of natural disasters.  Unexpected things that needed attention.  Hello. 

Basement floods to the point of having to pull up the gym floor, the aerobic floor and probably the playroom floor. 

Daughter hurt her back to the point of great pain.

Puppy still having to be confined after talking with the doctor.

So, I can really hate the 'stuff'.  I did.    I can be fearful of the 'stuff'.  I was.  I can say it is what it is and it will all get taken care of and go in the direction it needs to go.  I said it.

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain."

I did the best I could and I feel I did better than before; however, I'd like to do better than I did.

I love myself enough to find dancing through the storm.  (And, let's face it, how I perceive it all and take it all in, mostly, does not change the outcome! ha!).   I choose 'dancing' as often as I can.

What are you doing/feeling when a storm hits your 'neck of the woods'?  What would you like to do?

Stillness

Sit in stillness.

Motivated - Just a Feeling?

Yes, I do feel motivated again and on the same day as my 'down, unmotivated' day!  Wow, awareness sure is helpful.

It's still dark and dreary outside and I feel like going to do an errand or two.   

So, this is proof to me that if we just let 'it' be and wait 'it' out (whatever 'it' is in the moment) - time passes and so do our feelings. 

This is good and bad news.  It's good that the (what I perceive to be) the bad and not fun feelings leave us; but that also means that the good and fun feelings leave us also.  The tide comes in and the tide goes out.

So, maybe we can just let emotions come and go (perhaps even watch them come and go) and not always label them and just be with them.  Be ourselves with them.  Be U with them. 

Maybe life can be easier if we do not attach another feeling on them.  i.e.  not liking the word unmotivated and liking the word motivated.  Maybe I can just allow both feelings to just flow through me.  I can certainly ask myself if my feeling guilty (did i do something intentionally to hurt someone) is correct in the situation I am feeling it and choose to keep the guilt or let it go.

How are you at allowing the full spectrum of feelings flow through you?   Do you find yourself liking some and not liking others?  Maybe, just for today, try not labeling them and just loving the truth of them. What if they all have a positive purpose in our lives? 

Guilt

Okay, so I'm still in my down mode; however, I took a beautiful, deep nap and feel better - stronger. 

I also feel guilt.  Why should I get to sleep when others cannot.  There are so many other things that could be done and people and dogs I could pay attention to and, yet, I'm sleeping in the middle of the day.  A rainy, dark, dreary day.

I could choose to say how lucky I am to be able to take a nap when I am tired on a dark, dreary day!  I could smile about it.  I am more 'me' beause of it.

I could also beat myself up and play the guilt card so to speak. 

Which choice feels better?  I think we all know the answer to that!  ha!

Guilt is okay to feel if I've done something intentionally to hurt someone.  If nothing intentionally hurt someone by me taking a nap, then I am not allowed to feel guilty.  No need to feel guilty.  It is feeling guilty for nothing and that is more than silly and useless; wasted energy even. 

I can honestly say no one was hurt by me taking a nap!  I may just go take another!  In fact, I'm a happier person to be around because of my nap.

Next time you feel guilty; ask yourself if you have done something intentionally to hurt someone.  If the answer is no, feel completely free to let go of the guilt.  It is not yours to own under this circumstance.  It is, perhaps, a habit that you taught yourself and/or learned from someone else. 

Guilt does have a place and I think alot of us may use it too much.  If we do not hurt someone on purpose, guilt is no longer allowed. 

I believe guilt is something we started 'owning' somewhere in our life and, therefore, it is something we can disown or at the very least, question.

hip hip hooray!

Down Day

Today I seem to be having a 'down' day. I am resonating with the damp, cool, and dreary day.  I'm trying to choose to just be with and accept it. 

There is a part of me that wants to fight it because I want to be up and happy and to feel energetic.  However, I do not. 

So, try something new; right?

Okay, so today I am accepting that I am tired, miserable and unmotivated.  (Oh, I don't like that word unmotivated)!    Okay, so today I am trying to accept that I am unmotivated. 

What if it's just what I need to be motivated.  Accept the unmotivated feeling and it may possibly turn into motivation.  Is this possible for me. 

I will let you know....

Is it possible to accept exactly where you are at today?  Accept it, watch it and hope and plan for what you perceive as better.

I do believe we get through mostly everything; if not everything.  Don't like something; wait a bit, it will change with awareness and desire to do so. 



Just like the tide changes, so does our lives; our feelings; our emotions.
What if it is as simple as this is how it's meant to be.
We accept the tide change; perhaps we can accept our feelings and emotions as they change.



Cold

COLD.  People that know me know that this is one of my least favorite things, subjects, feelings.  I do not like the cold.  My circulation seems to get very slow to my extremities and I'm pretty uncomfortable.  My hands and feet turn purple. I lose tissue on my fingertips if I stay in this state too long.

The weather is turning colder here in the Northeast United States.  I love the beauty of the colors of the leaves; it's such a magical time.  Red, orange, yellow against the blue sky - there is nothing like it!  Probably if I ever did move to a warmer climate year round - this would be the one season I would miss.  However, I do not like what it means.  It means winter is coming and without the sun for days and the freezing cold - it's tough for me.  This is what my mind believes because more than not this has been the truth for me for most of my life.

There was one year when I was jogging through and around the ice and piles of snow.  I remember this and it was fun.  I wonder how I did that?!?  My mind and body were telling me different than what I experienced most winters.  I wonder if I can have my mind and body work that way this winter.  I guess the excitement and anticipation and dread is starting for me already.

I remember telling my masseuse one Fall that my 'backyard was closed'.  That's when I realized in my mind my backyard was already closed.  Didn't realize this was a reality for me just because of the thought.  That was an aha moment for me.  My backyard closed - wow  - just a belief and it was very real and true for me.  Was it really closed - no.

As I sit here, my toes are numb and my fingers are a very low scream and it's only in the 50s.  I realize the drastic change in the temperature and my body do not get along very well.  It takes me a bit to adapt.

I love breathing the cool fresh air; I love when I feel invigorated by it; I love putting on my Uggs.  I do not like the lack of sunshine for days, wearing big heavy coats, shivering and freezing.  How weird is it that my hands are responding and the fingers are turning a bit purplish as I think this.  HOW STRONG ARE OUR MINDS!  Wow. 

I started writing this with hesitation and thinking I was probably not going to 'publish' it.  I'm still not sure where I'm going with it; if anywhere.  This hits 'home' for me completely.  It's probably my biggest battle.

OK, I now have many more 'tools' to think differently; do differently.  Fear of not feeling well; of suffering; of not living my life fully plays a really big part for me.  I know I can be in control of the temperature of my body.  I will take this thought with me as I continue on into the colder months. I hope I can keep it with me anyway!

Is there something small/big/in between that you would like to change/enhance/delete from your thinking?  Is it possible if we really, truly are ready to change our thought pattern and do it differently we can think and do it differently to be a happier, healthier human being?

I know one psychologist said that just by changing how we do things automatically - like putting our right leg into our pant leg first or drying our backs first when getting out of the shower --  if we do things like that differently there is a momentum that changes and that alone can maybe be a start towards more awareness and change.  Maybe it doesn't hurt to try it?  You know I did and still do at times! 

Make it a great day for you!  Notice how you automatically just do things and maybe change one way or another the way you do it.  Have fun playing!  Perhaps, change it up some just because you can.

Reminding Myself of What I Want

I'm back home on the east coast.  Wow.  Life.  My one little dog is very sick and has to be confined to a small room and alot of driving around and having to unpack and the usual things that await a person when they come back from being away...

I find myself getting caught up in fear, anxiety, and disarray.

I see and hear myself constantly saying I trust the process; I'm okay; I can handle anything; Even though it's what I consider to be a bad day, I'm okay with it.  I remind myself I can accept what is and take it from there.

It's working fairly okay.  Do I feel fearful and anxious at times - yes.  However, a lot less than when I don't remind myself of the way I want to feel and be.

Will you remind yourself of the way you want to feel and be today?