Be U: Survivor

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, June 13, 2023

Survivor

Everyone, here now, reading this is a 'survivor'. As I write this, I, too, am a survivor.

We have 100%, thus far, survived through all we have been shown, experienced, created, given and challenged with. How awesome we are.

The word 'survivor' can be and is used in many ways. What is most familiar to me is a cancer survivor. The Survivor TV show. Surviving in the wilderness. Surviving great losses. Surviving hardship. We certainly all have survived unexpected changes.

As we stand here with who we have been, who we are now and in an energy of who we are becoming, it can be (perhaps) realized what these lessons and changes have added to our lives.

Do we know ourselves better... are we stronger... have we grown... Is there a more openness/surrender to life itself within us... Have we become kinder and/or gentler... Are we less or more trusting, more aware...

One thing for sure that I am is true and vulnerable; real. I am less reactive. More go with the flow and see where it takes me. I keep my honesty, truth and love on my side, I feel safer and open to explore and to adventure... to own my ownership in my experiences and relationships.

As we survive, we own who we want to be and our reaction to change. This can be a beautiful freedom.

May you listen to your instinct, yourself and your internal wisdom. You are the only one who lives, experiences, witnesses and changes in your own unique way.

Power You up, through and forward.

Being You as You happening is a goal, a way; extraordinary.

Let love. Be love. Share love. Create love.

In this, you are most striking and impactful for your life, others' lives, the world and everything of the universe. Your energy and how you bind to it matters.

Let your surviving be an act of self-love, self-care, self-ownership, self-empowerment. Healing does not always mean free of dis-ease. It can be knowing dis-ease and inviting as much ease as possible.

Let your heart flow, your soul soar and your spirit fly. Travel deep inside where your connection to all that is You be free to be so.

You were born for this journey.

May you stay in the calm underneath, or is it above, all that is yours to experience and trust yourself to be fully present in the way you can best present your life through the wholeness of being You.

Mind/ Body/Spirit as one working, living, breathing and being.

I wish you calm in the storm. Light in the dark. Beauty in the UnFun.

You choose. May you choose your way of living and know that You can be the one watching the thinking, action and being the energy that is You(rs).

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!