Be U: Dis Section

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, June 22, 2023

Dis Section

I feel many of us are going through our own dissection. Dissection of life as a whole. Dissection of our own life. Dissection of our self. Dissection of thoughts, situations, relationships and our beingness and own doingness.

We are finding ourselves studying, examining, researching and taking a closer look and, perhaps, very thorough looks at what the hell is up. Curious about the meaning of things. Perhaps, even a deeper, most meaningful relationship with all that is through an awareness of what we know, think we know and want to do.

I am finding myself understanding and making sense that has before felt non-sensical now with less fear and a more openness of looking at the good side of what feels, especially at first, like a ‘bad’ thing. Certainly in unexpected or what has in the past felt undesired and/or problematic because it didn't fit into my scenario of get up and go; live.

When I accept how life is through my experience of it, life gets more accepting to me. My experience gets grander in a more minute way. It is wild yet I am calm.

Life overall feels most different than I ever remember it feeling. Great change Great truth. Great harshness. Great love. Greatness is here. The more I look and see it as such, the more I am open minded and open hearted. There is an excitement within me amidst chaos outside of me.

We are not science projects. There is a lot of new science going on.

The best science is owning and developing the experiences of your self and allow ‘what is’ now to flow like it would be the desired outcome you would choose.

This is life. This is your life. This is your experiences, thoughts, ways, being of You. You being You.

Sincere, raw, vulnerable, authentic, learning and unlearning You.

Deep what is within You is coming forward to live.

Sometimes, there are no answers but to go through and forward We can accept and be open to living truthfully in union with what life is showing us or we can fight it and want it to be different. Just what is as we accept and bring our truth to ‘life as it is’ allows ‘different’ to just flow from our honoring life and our self as it and we are just now at this time.

The vastness, pieces and parts of each of us are like a 1,000,000 puzzles to put together and take apart for in the now moment, and only now, is the best puzzle possible. It gets put together best by truth, trust, love, vulnerability, curiosity and adventure/exploration of your life on the inside matching and in union with your life on the outside.

May you unite what you feel and are on the inside with who you are and what you show on the outside. One

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!