Be U: Our World Now

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, March 18, 2022

Our World Now

The World Now

Yours, Mine, Ours

I receive Mark Hyman's newsletter every Friday and, today, this was in it. It touched me deeply. It is what I am experiencing. It felt right to share it here.

“I am washing my face before bed while a country is on fire. It feels dumb to wash my face, and dumb not to. It has never been this way, and it has always been this way. Someone has always clinked a cocktail glass in one hemisphere as someone loses a home in another while someone falls in love in the same apartment building where someone grieves. The fact that suffering, mundanity and beauty coincide is unbearable and remarkable.” - Mari Andrew

How true this felt to me. Life feels "unbearable and remarkable" in and out through the breaths I breathe.

I am frozen, numb and stand in the unknown. I am lighthearted, touched and stand in awe of much beauty.

The pain, angst, agony and suffering we are seeing and experiencing is ugly and not a world I want to live in.

The beauty, birthing, togetherness and support of one another is the world I have to live in.

Yet, here we are - all of us - living in both worlds just now.

The good news is that we are more aware of what is happening over there and here.

The bad news is that we are more aware of what is happening over there and here.

The good news is we can go inside of ourselves and find and be the peace. We can choose love.

The bad news is that it can be a practice to find and be at peace.

If you can still love, you win.

May you win every time in every situation and encounter; as possible. As we do this more and more together, we uplift life from the horrible into and through the beauty.

May we all win. Open wide to the love that is present for You. In your breath, in this moment, feel the stillness of being, believing, loving. Relax your whole body into itself. Release any and all tension as you breathe in and out. Give yourself a minute to just breathe and relax into your body. Feel the tension leave. Feel your breath flow. Feel your self-love expand throughout your being. Feel that love that is you(rs) grow and flow into everything.

Love. Be. Be with the love that you are and know. Win.

I look forward to all of us in the 'winners' circle' and being able to call it Earth.

I send out my love to meet with yours as we create the Earth that we all walk free on as who we are, in love, for/with each other.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!