Be U: Oh the Ache

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Oh the Ache

I wrote the title for this blogpost previously and left the page blank.

I was going about my day and heard a song about loving and supporting one's 'sisters and brothers'.

I thought this post would be about my aches due to dis-ease or overuse or something very different than where I feel it may be going now.

I heard myself say to myself, while listening to this song, that, yes, I ache. However, I ache to hold and support people in being and living all they can be; the best of themselves.

Could my body really be sending me this message through my achiness... Yes, I believe so.

I have such a fear of being in the world as my vulnerable self; even my empowering self. I often hear and feel myself question myself if I am truly up for this task. And, staying away and/or isolating is hurting me as I am starting to crave more contact with people.

People that could and would benefit from my love and knowledge. People to share moments of love and wisdom with. People that lift each other help; that listen to one another; that care; that only want good for another.

I believe most of us are this way. Most of us want to support one another and serve one another. Look at all the people that show up, come out, offer themselves and their love when people are down or distressed.

Most of the time people do not want to see another hurt or suffer. Look how many of us like the 'underdog'. Most of us, when asked and if able, will do what it takes so another person doesn't suffer/hurt.

I ache to be around the people that would get the most benefit from me being me. I physically ache wanting connection. I physically ache wanting to hold you and support you. I physically ache to make a difference in others' lives.

May you realize what you physically ache for; if you do physically ache. Perhaps, it isn't physical. Perhaps, therein resides within you an ache for something different, something 'other', something.

May you acknowledge and feed your 'ache(s)'.

May the people that can benefit from you truly being who you are show up in your life and let you; enable you; be present for you; be helpful to you... to do you and to do your thing. Amen. And so it is.

There is enough good, success, wonderment, awesome, fun, joy, love and empowerment in this world for us all.

Let's get to it.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!